What Being Malala's Father Taught Me About Feminism

Long before my daughter, Malala Yousafazi, was born, long before we began fighting for girls’ rights to education together, and long before the Taliban’s brutal attack on her brought the world’s attention to her story, I made a decision.

Growing up in a village in Shangla, northern Pakistan, I was surrounded by patriarchy. I had five sisters and a brother and I saw how we boys got better shoes, more clothes, and tastier cuts of chicken than the girls. I saw how my mother couldn’t go out unescorted and, on documents like doctors’ prescriptions, was never referred to by her name – Maharo Bibi – but as mother of Ziauddin, or wife of Rohul Amin. And, worst of all, I saw how I got to go to school, while my sisters stayed home, crippling their future.

I was very determined that if I ever got to be a father, I’d be different.

When I married my wife, Toor Pekai, we chose to build an egalitarian family, respecting each other as equal partners and raising our daughter Malala the same way we raised our sons, Khusal and Atal. I didn’t hear the word feminist until I was 45, after the attack on Malala led us to move to the city of Birmingham in the U.K. But it was feminism I had been trying to spread in my family, and in my community, for years.

I believe fathers have a crucial role to play in the fight for women’s rights. Of course, when your rights are being violated — at home, at work, anywhere — your voice is the most powerful to challenge your oppression. And so women’s voices are the most important in feminism. But in patriarchal societies, a father’s voice is perhaps the next most important tool to galvanize change.

We have seen great moments in history, from the Suffragettes, to #MeToo, and wonderful global organizations and local organizations, who are working for gender equality, and for the rights of women and girls. But in patriarchal societies – which even many Western countries still are –, one platform, one organization, is universal: the family. When a father begins a journey into feminism, believing in the worth of his daughters, he can change his whole family’s future.

I’m not sure why I chose to start that journey, while other men accept the values passed down to them for centuries. Maybe it’s because I was bullied as a child, for my dark skin and my stammering problem, so I was angry about any kind of discrimination against someone for the way they are born.

But I am sure of one thing: patriarchy is sheer stupidity. Fathers have a great interest in dismantling it. And we as campaigners need to communicate that to them.

Life within patriarchy is a sad, frustrated life, for everyone. I have seen families in Pakistan where a father and mother have one boy and five or six girls. Because of social norms, the father and his one son go out to earn for the whole family. The burden falls to them, while all his sisters have to stay back at home, not sent to school, unable to do jobs, just waiting to get married. A guy sacrifices his life for a foolish norm, and girls don’t see their potential unlocked. And, even in countries like the U.S. and the U.K., while girls are educated and often have the same opportunities as boys, issues like pay inequality, sexual harassment and misogyny continue to damage girls’ careers and personal lives. Unhappiness breeds unhappiness.

Fathers who help unlock their daughter’s potential, standing up for their rights and raising them to believe they have them, bring prosperity and happiness to their entire families. Worldwide, according to our data at the Malala Fund and the World Bank, if we gave all the girls in the world free, quality education for 12 years, we would add between 15 and 30 trillion dollars to the world economy. It really is win, win.

These arguments are powerful, and the arguments for patriarchy are weak. That is why the Taliban shot Malala in 2012 as she and I campaigned against their ban on girls going to school. They knew that one girl with a voice can create more change than their guns and bombs.

The attack was the worst thing that could happen to a family and remembering it is traumatic. Malala is not just my daughter, she is my comrade, my soulmate – jani, in Urdu, my nickname for her. To see her on the verge between life and death was terrible. But it did not affect our commitment to equality. If anything, it made us more sure that our fight is worthwhile.

Now, as Malala campaigns around the world without me and studies for her degree at Oxford University, I miss her deeply. Her first week in her dorm room, I peeked in and shed a few tears while she wasn’t there, thinking about how independent she has become.

But in my heart, I was so happy to see her move freely and confidently around the world, no longer needing me as an escort. Good parents should want their children to be as independent as early as possible.

Within my family, we have broken the chains of patriarchy. Because of that, all of us — not only Malala and Toor Pekai, but my sons and I too — are free.

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New Malala: 'I'm so happy to be home'

Meet The Teenagers Who Were Shot With Malala by the Taliban and Kept Going To School

If you’re like most of us, you’ve already heard the story of the Taliban’s attempted assassination of then 15-year-old Malala Yousafzai.

The account is known by millions around the world – so much so that Malala is a near-household first name at this point.

But very few know about the other two other girls who were wounded in the attack back on October 9, 2012, with Malala.

Malala’s friend Shazia Ramzan was shot twice in the arm and her friend Kainat Riaz was shot in the hand. Malala’s injuries obvious required much more intensive medical attention and expertise – so much so that she was airlifted to Britain for treatment – but these other two teens faced daunting challenge on their own, without Western help, and in spite of it all, they continued their education in a country where girls are shot just for fighting for an education.

Riaz says she was so afraid that she “didn’t go to hospital [right away] because I felt that the guy would come again and he will shoot me….[F]or one week I couldn’t sleep at all. Because whenever I just closed my eyes [I pictured] what happened to us on the bus: lots of blood and Malala and my hand.”

Both Ramzan and Riaz say that they were still determined to go to school after they recovered – and that’s exactly what they continued doing.

People around them were scared to help out though.

“We [asked] other people for bus travel,” Riaz recalls. “Openly they told us, ‘No, we are scared. We are sorry we can’t pick you up.’ After three months we had a bomb blast behind my house. So my town told me, ‘This happened because of you and you should leave the town.’”

But Malala never forgot them. In 2013 when UWC Atlantic College, boarding school in Wales, offered her a scholarship, she declined, and asked instead that her friends be given the opportunity to come study in safety there.

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'I still get cross with her when it's prayer time'

“I still get cross with her when it’s prayer time. I have to tell her to get up and pray. That hasn’t changed.”

Giving a picture of what the Nobel laureate’s like at home, Yousafzai says Malala does not have an air.

“She doesn’t act like someone who is famous”.

“In a way, she’s more likely to do what she’s told now than before,” she adds.

‘I miss my homeland’

When asked about restarting their lives in the UK, Yousafzai says though she misses her homeland, she’s doing it for her daughter.

“There is a big difference between our lives now than when we lived in Swat. We used to see my brothers and sisters, relatives and neighbours there,” she says.

“I miss my homeland. And we will go there one day. But it was there that Malala was attacked in broad daylight. She was preaching peace, spreading the message of peace and she was still attacked.

“So there’s a fear in my heart.”

Life in the UK

In the hustle-bustle of life in the UK, Yousafzai says she keeps herself pretty busy.

“I go to English classes because I am learning the language. I keep in touch with my relatives. I also get involved with their campaigning and activism,” she says.

“When my husband and Malala go somewhere, I accompany them so I’m pretty busy.”

‘Listen to your children’

Surely, raising a strong-willed child must not have been easy, especially in a patriarchal society such as that of Pakistan’s. So what did the Yousafzais do differently?

“I always tell people to listen to their children,” Yousafzai said. “In the past, when I was young there was more of a distance between us and our parents.

“But when we became parents, Malala’s dad is the one who taught me the importance of listening to children,” Yousafzai says as she speaks of the values of her husband Ziauddin Yousafzai.

“God has given rights to everyone. But there are people who take away women’s rights. My husband never did this. I have always been able to express my opinions.”

‘Education is your companion’

Yousafzai shared an interesting anecdote with the BBC about a girl who was visiting the Nobel laureate’s family in the UK.

“[The girl] had been through a lot. She was divorced and later she got a scholarship to study in Europe.

“She was born in a conservative family like mine. When she was leaving us, I looked at her. Something crossed my mind.

“I told her your education is your husband. It’s your father and your brother as well. Today, your education is your companion,” Yousafzai told her, so she need not feel alone.

Yousafzai is of the opinion that an uneducated woman a lot of times finds herself dependent on her husband or her brother or her father.

“I believe that education is everything for people today,” Yousafzai says.

Malala Yousafzai first came to public’s attention in 2009 as a schoolgirl who wrote a diary about her life under Taliban rule. Three years later, she was shot in the head by militants for daring to go to school. Malala then went on to become the youngest recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize for her activism surrounding girls’ education.

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Why we should not hate Malala

I love and admire her! Control your jealousy Pakistanis! Some of the comments I read about her are pathetic! People have no idea what she has done just hate because she has 'ruined' image of Pakistan?! But your image wasn't great anyways. Worry about the terrorists, honor killings, general patriarchy and misogyny, bonded labour, acid attacks, illiteracy, oppression of minorities, sectarian violence, blasphemy laws, feudal system, tribal backwardness, corrupt politicians etc! (yes I know these problems can be found in other countries, but that doesn't absolve Pakistan.)

Relax, Malala's jeans aren't an assault on your national identity

A new photo of Malala Yousafzai recently surfaced on the internet, in which the 20-year-old education rights activist can be seen wearing jeans and heeled boots. This caused a furor among many Pakistanis, and resulted in personal attacks and criticism online.

This is not the first time Malala, who recently started studying at Oxford University, has been at the receiving end of criticism from people in her home country for supposedly defying cultural norms.

The fact that she is now being lambasted for wearing a Western dress and being unaccompanied by her father should come as no surprise.

Muslim women in Pakistan are perceived by many to be the guardians of culture and honour, without actually being given a choice in the matter.

Their bodies are continuously associated with controversy and shame, as a result of which successful women like Malala are made to carry the weight of the reputation of not only religious values, but also of Pakistan, on their shoulders.

The concept of culture in Pakistan is continuously conflated with a monolithic perception of religion and nation, and a Pakistani woman’s free will to decide what to wear is often demeaned as a result.

The obsession of many Pakistanis to police women and the way they dress stems from their perception of women’s bodies as ‘private’. This is why violence against women is seen as a matter worth concealing in Pakistan.

Women themselves are not even supposed to leave the confines of their home. Overreaching these bounds can always lead to harmful, but justified, repercussions in the eyes of many Pakistanis.

Malala, however, has consistently been seeing as defying such cultural norms, while also challenging the premise of a nationhood that relies on a woman’s honour, thereby breaking out of the notions of chaadar and chaar dewari that so many men in Pakistan hold onto for dear life.

Zia ul-Haq’s policies that served to subjugate Pakistani women have left a lasting impact much to the detriment of the rights of women in the country. This has led to everyday institutional injustices meted out against women, fueled by not only by religious but also jingoistic identity clashes.

That is why even the violence afflicted on Malala five years ago is ignored, as violence against women is seen as something that resides in the private domain of our lives, at the expense of our lives and sanity.

Malala has risen above all this, which gives the men of Pakistan a lot of cause for insecurity. Hence, be it unsolicited advice, widespread criticism, moral and body policing, or even assault, women like Malala are always ‘asking for it’ according to such men.

This goes to show how the Pakistani state has actively encouraged the regulation and surveillance of women’s bodies, be it through the laws imposed through the Hudood Ordinance that have still not been rectified fully to this day, or the dress codes that are now being imposed in universities across Pakistan.

Furthermore, shalwar kameez has grown to become a symbol of a religious form of nationalism. Somehow, it has become a visible marker of a Pakistani Muslim’s identity, a choice emblematic of traditions and honour.

Views echoing such sentiments fail to take into account the malleable nature of culture, and end up promoting cultural homogeneity over diversity. Shalwar kameez was never a quintessentially Muslim dress, but rather its veneration by Pakistani men represents state control over women’s bodies at the expense of their agency.

In fact, the criticism of jeans is not against a kind of fabric; her critics think that her individualistic choices come at the expense of her responsibility as the custodian of the country’s honour.

Thereby, she is walking over the fragile reputation of her countrymen, which rests on Pakistani women maintaining an air of conservatism, as per societal norms, while representing the country abroad.

It is very clear that such narratives of nationhood exist at the expense of the bodily autonomy and mobility of Pakistani women, thereby leading to the politicisation of female bodies.

Pakistanis are prone to using women as easy political targets to vent cultural anxiety, be it towards Mahira Khan smoking or Malala wearing jeans outside of Pakistan. We thrive on not the display, but the decimation of a woman, for the sake of a spectacle.

In conclusion, the autonomy of Pakistani women is perceived to be a threat to the religious and national integrity of Pakistanis for many reasons. This is why Pakistani women’s bodies happen to be where patriarchy is at control the most: at home.

This also holds true in light of the visceral responses often levelled at Malala and her personal choices. Her independence, according to many Pakistanis, comes at the expense of the country’s reputation that rests on many things, including the need to conceal and exercise control over female bodies.

Such reactions speak of the larger cultural anxieties among Pakistanis that lead to violence against women all over the country. Nevertheless, Malala continues to stand tall, above and beyond the country’s patriarchal mindset, wherever she goes.

Ziauddin Yousafzai: My daughter, Malala

My daughter, Malala

Pakistani educator Ziauddin Yousafzai reminds the world of a simple truth that many don’t want to hear: Women and men deserve equal opportunities for education, autonomy, an independent identity. He tells stories from his own life and the life of his daughter, Malala, who was shot by the Taliban in 2012 simply for daring to go to school. "Why is my daughter so strong?” Yousafzai asks. “Because I didn’t clip her wings."

Malala: Fearless teen leads fight for global education

Malala Yousafzai is an international hero, and for good reason. Her recent visits to the United States have prompted rapturous coverage in the American media -- also for good reason.

But one thing that news outlets have spent hardly any time on is the part of Malala's message to America that might make some people uncomfortable: her vocal criticism of the Obama administration's drone policy. Malala even told President Obama to his face that she thought drones were driving terrorism.

"CBS This Morning" host Norah O'Donnell, however, bucked that trend on Tuesday, when she asked Malala to talk about her conversation with Obama.

"Is it true that when you spoke with President Obama, that you talked about your concern that drone attacks are fueling terrorism?" she asked.

"It is true that when there's a drone attack the terrorists are killed, it's true," she said. "But 500 and 5,000 more people rise against it and more terrorism occurs, and more -- more bomb blasts occurs. ... I think the best way to fight against terrorism is to do it through [a] peaceful way, not through war. Because I believe that a war can never be ended by a war."

"And you said that to President Obama?" O'Donnell asked, in an impressed tone.

"Yes, of course," Malala replied.

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Malala Yousafzai amazing answer on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart

I want to adopt her too! :)

10 Ways Malala Yousafzai Has Changed the World

In October 2012, the world watched as the Taliban shot a 15-year old girl named Malala Yousafzai on her way to school. The United Nations declared Friday, July 12 Malala Day in honor of this inspirational young girl and in order to commemorate her 16th birthday. She celebrated this day by making her first public appearance and delivering a speech to the UN Youth Assembly, which only emphasized the many ways that she has changed the world at such a young age. 

1. She has sparked a dialogue about children's education throughout the world

There are currently 57 million children who have no access to education. Vuk Jeremic, the president of the General Assembly of the United Nations, stated, "Today we stand united with young people from nearly one hundred countries in seeking to ensure that no child is barred from attending school — convinced that factors like geography, gender, disability, language, wealth, and ethnicity, should not be seen as impediments to this achievement," in response to Malala's moving speech. 

2. Three million people have signed the Malala Petition

At such a young age, she has managed to encourage people to stand together behind a common cause. The Malala Petition (which Malala was the first to sign) urges the United Nations to recommit to Millennium Development Goal 2, which involves universal primary education for children around the world. 

3. Her ability to be fearless is inspiring beyond measure

When she was 11 years old, Malala wrote a diary under the pseudonym Gul Makai in which she discussed life (specifically education) under the Taliban. This diary was published by BBC Urdu. If her identity was ever revealed it was obvious that she would suffer grave consequences. Yet she continued to write and educate other individuals about the conditions in Pakistan. Through her writings, her subsequent shooting, and her inspiring speech at the UN, she has showed us all that we should never give up on a cause we believe in. 

4. She has created the Malala Fund

The Malala Fund, which will officially launch this fall, has been established in order to ensure that beyond the words of her speech, tangible results are reached in the fight for access to education. 

5. She has taught us all about forgiveness

One of the most moving moments of her speech was when she said, "I do not even hate the Talib who shot me. Even if there is a gun in my hand and he stands in front of me. I would not shoot him."

6. She has shown us that there is no age limit to stand up against injustice

Malala has been sharing her diaries with BBC since she was 11 and celebrated her 16th birthday speaking at the UN about a cause she believes in. Because of her remarkable story, in February 2013 she was the youngest individual to ever be nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize. 

7. Her story has reminded children throughout the world not to take anything for granted

So many children take the simple action of going to school for granted on a daily basis. Malala's story and her fight to attend school has reminded everyone, children and adults alike, to not takeanything for granted in our lives. 

8. She has challenged us all to wage a war...

...against illiteracy and terrorism by "picking up our books and pens." 

9. She has illustrated the importance of peaceful conflict resolution

Inspired by leaders such as Mahatma Gandhi, Malala has resorted to peaceful solutions in order to tackle the issues of girls' education and the equality of women. 

10. She has caused the UN to recommit to Millennium Development Goal 2

This goal states that "by 2015, children everywhere, boys and girls alike, will be able to complete a full course of primary schooling." After Malala delivered her speech, United Nations Secretary General Ban Ki Moon stated that the UN is committed to providing education to all children through its Global Education First Initiative. 

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The Malala backlash

Comment: I'm sorry to say this has certainly been my exeperience of many Pakistani's :( Everything is a conspiracy theory and women who speak out are especially demonised as liars and attentions seekers.

WHY has Malala Yousufzai’s speech at the UN on July 12, her 16th birthday, created such admiration all over the world, only to be met with a nasty backlash against the young education activist in Pakistan?

Perhaps the negative reaction of many Pakistanis to the young girl is the carping of jealous nobodies, but it bears examining because it says something profound about Pakistan.

The reaction to Malala’s words was swift in Pakistan; barely hours after she made her inspirational speech, people began complaining about its contents, the fact that the UN had dedicated an entire day to her, and the adulation she was receiving from world leaders by her side. Ignoring the text of her speech, which spoke out for the rights of girls and women and implored world leaders to choose peace instead of war, the naysayers tore down the young woman, her father, and Western nations for supporting her in her quest for education.

The insults flowed freely: Malala Dramazai was a popular epithet that popped up on Facebook pages and Twitter. The whole shooting was staged by “the West” and America, who control the Taliban. She was being used to make Pakistan feel guilty for actions that were the fault of the Western powers in the first place. Posters were circulated that showed Mukhtaran Mai and Malala with Xs through their faces, and berated the two women for speaking out about their experiences in order to receive money, popularity and asylum abroad.

Another popular refrain was “drone attacks”. Why had Malala not spoken out about drones at the UN? Why did everyone care so much about Malala and not the other girls murdered by drones? Why did America kill innocent children with drones and then lionise the young Malala to make themselves feel good that they actually cared about the children of Pakistan and Afghanistan?

It was a shameful display of how Pakistanis have a tendency to turn on the very people they should be proud of. Prof Abdus Salam fell victim to this peculiar Pakistani phenomenon, as well as the murdered child labour activist Iqbal Masih, Rimsha Masih, who recently received asylum for the threats to her life after the blasphemy case, and Kainat Soomro, the brave child who had been gang-raped and actually dared to take on her attackers. Pakistanis have very deliberately abandoned these brave champions of justice, and each time one more joins their ranks, the accusations of fame mongering, Western agendas, and money ring out louder and louder.

The insults to Malala had a decidedly sexist tone, the comparison to Mukhtaran Mai — another Pakistani hero — making it obvious that rather than embracing female survivors of hideous, politically motivated violence, Pakistanis prefer them to shut up and go away, not to use their ordeals as a platform to campaign for justice.

What does this say about Pakistani mentality? Firstly, it illustrates the fact that most Pakistanis are very confused. As British journalist Alex Hamilton said, “Those who stand for nothing fall for anything”. Because we don’t know what to stand for, we fall victim to conspiracy theories, wild imaginings, and muddled thinking about what is so clearly right and wrong.

Secondly, people who deflect from Malala’s speech to the issue of drone attacks may believe they care about drone victims, but it is hard to find what if anything they have actually done for those drone victims besides register their displeasure on social media. Instead, it is a way of deflecting the guilt they feel about their own impotence, their own inability to make any substantial change or impact in this country.

In psychology this is called displacement: these people who feel anger and frustration about themselves channel it into feeling angry about drone victims, or angry against Malala Yousafzai, or anyone who challenges their firmly held belief that this world is controlled by forces greater than themselves. They dislike the challenge to the justification for their own inertia and inactivity, and so they strike out.

Critics are ignoring how Malala pointed out that terrorists are misusing Islam for their own selfish ends: power and control. She rightly stated that Pakhtun culture is not synonymous with Talibanism; a popular narrative used to justify the marginalisation of tribal peoples (and the use of drones and human rights excesses by the military in carrying out operations in the tribal areas of Pakistan).

These statements contradict the political arguments offered by Pakistan’s incompetent leadership in lieu of real solutions to the militancy, and the justification for acts of aggression perpetrated by Western and Nato forces on the Pakhtuns of Afghanistan and Pakistan.

A note of warning: Malala and her cause must not be hijacked by opportunists, money-makers, politicians, or those who wish to use this pure young woman for their own selfish ends. In celebrating Malala, the world should not forget about the thousands of girls who are still in danger from extremist violence in Pakistan. Nor should she be taken up as a cause célèbre by celebrities and other do-gooders to feel smug satisfaction that they are helping her cause by posing for a photograph or attending a dinner with her (Personally, I feel that a young girl who can survive being shot in the head by the Taliban is strong enough to withstand being exploited by anyone).

Malala’s beautiful words must be a source of inspiration for solid action on the ground in the areas most affected by the conflicts she describes. Whether you support her or not, nobody can deny the urgent need to bring education and peace to Pakistan. Don’t ignore this message, even if you feel like shooting the messenger all over again.

The writer is a novelist.

Twitter: @binashah  Source

Malala addresses the UN

Alhamdulilah she is inspirational!