A group of women from the tribe of Ghifar approached the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ

 

A group of women from the tribe of Ghifar approached the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ to seek his permission to tend to the wounded during the battle of Khaybar. The Prophet ﷺ welcomed their request, giving them permission, stating, “By the blessings of God.”

He ﷺdidn’t simply say okay dismissively. He didn’t say, “No. This isn’t for women.” Or, “Why are you trying to with men?” Instead, he specifically gave them the blessings of God.
With this group of women was a young girl named Umayyah bint Qays. She shares with us her own part of the story: 

“Then we set out with him. I was a young girl. He made me sit on his she-camel behind the luggage. I saw the bag had got traces of blood from me. It was the first time I had a period. Then I sat forward on the camel [to hide it] and I was embarrassed. 

“When the Messenger of God ﷺ saw what happened to me and the traces of blood, he said, “Perhaps you have had menstrual bleeding?” I said, “Yes.” He said, “Attend to yourself. Then, take a container of water, then put salt in it, then wash the affected part of the bag, then come back.” I did so.
“When God conquered Khaybar for us, the Prophetﷺ took this necklace that you see on my neck and gave it to me and put it on my neck with his own hand. By God it will never be parted from me.’
“She wore the necklace her entire life and stipulated that she should be buried with it.”
When the Prophet ﷺ saw her blood, he did not embarrass her. He ﷺ did not turn away in disgust or shock. He ﷺ didn’t order her to leave his presence now that she was an accountable young woman. Or hastily walk away in silence, and then avoid her for the rest of her life.

Instead, he ﷺ taught her the fiqh of purification in that moment. He ﷺ acknowledged her literally going through puberty in front of him ﷺ with gentle humility and support. He ﷺ gave her a necklace, which he ﷺ personally placed on her with his blessed hands, and helped her feel honored and special in that moment. He ﷺ didn’t tear her down emotionally; his ﷺ response built her up.
I’ve heard many period stories where women speak of incredible embarrassment in the moment but can laugh it off 10-15 years later. But I’ve never heard a story in which a woman says she felt closer to God because of what was a humiliating moment of her life as a young person.

The way he ﷺ responded not only impacted this young companion’s sense of self, her self worth, her self esteem- but also, her relationship with Islam. He did this while leading a military expedition! As the head of state! Yet he ﷺ took time to sit and make a little girl at a critical crux of her life feel seen.
The Prophetﷺ mentored people in ways they felt nurtured, cherished, and critical for the community. How do you think that impacted the way they felt about their faith?
How would it impact ours if we did the same? 

(Hadith reference: Ibn Sa’d’s Tabaqaat viii.293 as mentioned in Al-Muhaddithat: The Women Scholars of Islam by Dr.Akram Nadwi)
- Ustadha Maryam Amir

Our Mothers, Our Role Models

 

Virgin Mary عليها السَّلام miraculously bore Jesus ﷺ, one of the most incredible men to walk the planet, but she was never married. 

Ayesha رضي الله عنها had an incredible marriage, but she was never a mother. She was also a widow. 

Asiyah عليها السَّلام was an adoptive mother to Mosesﷺ, but was married to a tyrannical husband.

The blessed Prophetic father ﷺ of Hajar's رضي الله عنها son Ismail ﷺ was alive but physically separated from them and so she essentially raised her son as a single mother.

Eve عليها السلام had one child who was committed to morality, and she another who must have torn her heart out when he murdered his own brother. 

Zaynab bint Jahsh رضي الله عنها was divorced, but then remarried the best man on earth 

ﷺ
Fatima رضي الله عنها was repeatedly described as the most devoted daughter in addition to her roles as wife and mother. 

Khadija رضي الله عنها had the most amazing husband ﷺ with the most amazing children and the most compassionate, passionate marriage.

The Queen of Sheba  رحيمها الله is described in the Quran in connection with her position, but not explicitly in connection to marriage or motherhood.

God gave us examples in history of some of the most spiritually elevated women in different types of single/married or motherhood/less situations.

It is unjust for our community to portray a woman's piety being connected solely to her marriage or motherhood status when even some of the most important figures of our history did not fulfill some of our community's contemporary expectations. Yes, marriage and motherhood are so important. But not every woman will experience them, nor find happiness in them. That is not commentary on her worth or the level of her connection to Allah. 

Sisters: God knows your life circumstances, even when everyone looking in from the outside have no idea of your pain, of your frustration or your confusion or your burning duaa. And I know many of you deal with pressure constantly. But instead of feeling crippled when you're overwhelmed, focus on these women. God gave us their myriad of examples for a reason. Let's draw our strength from them and renew our commitment to Him and to working for His sake regardless of our status.

From the FB of Maryam Amir 

Why I wasn’t happy to hear it’s a girl

It had been raining all day in Karachi, commencing the annual monsoon in July, as I set out to my prenatal appointment at South City Hospital. The ultrasound technician ran down a list of protocol answers, and then she asked if I wanted to know the sex of the child. I said yes, and she replied, “Congratulations, it’s a girl!” I didn’t say thank you, instead, I asked, are you sure it’s a girl? She confirmed and suddenly I was overwhelmed with a whole lot of disappointment. It wasn’t a boy. I came outside crying in a room full of pregnant women that probably thought I was shedding tears of joy. Why wasn’t I happy?

In hindsight, it pains me to think that once upon a time I upheld ideas that perpetuate gender discrimination in our society. For many people like me, this gendered prejudice can be traced back to our roots. I was born in a home that was already ridden with patriarchy, with the problems and conflicts that this would create already embedded inside of me.

My mother got married in a joint-family home that she shared with her in-laws. My grandmother had coerced my father into the marriage, believing my mother would make an ideal, submissive daughter-in-law for her family. My parents had three daughters in three consecutive years, and most of the child-raising responsibility fell on my mother.

I cannot recall a time in our childhood when my father took time out to have a one-on-one conversation with my sisters and me, or spend quality time playing with us. He would be out of the house most of the time and come back after we would be asleep. Unfortunately, when there is no communication, even the bridges built on blood relations fall apart. 

As we got older, instead of keeping a hand of grace, he kept eyes of suspicion on us. We were never encouraged to study; none of my paternal aunts had studied further than 10th grade. In 6th grade, my father removed my younger sister and me from our English-immersion school to a local neighbourhood Urdu-immersion school so we could give company to our cousin. In our home, sadqa would primarily be taken out for the men in the household because their lives were perceived to have more value than women.

There are many people in our community who still believe that education and opportunity should only be given to a son because daughters will be eventually married off. As soon as a baby girl starts taking her initial steps, she is critiqued for how she sits, how she talks, how she laughs, what she wears, and suddenly the entire burden of her family’s social standing rests on her. I was quite neglected growing up, and this is perhaps why I presumed that my daughter would share a similar experience.

Since we had no formal education, most of our proposals were based on our looks. My mother believed that to ensure our children grew up with better opportunities, we should marry educated men. I was the last one in my three sisters to get married after facing a broken engagement with a fraudulent person and numerous rejections because of my tan complexion. People would come to see me for their sons but would end up saying “humain aapki choti beti pasand agayi hai,” (we like your younger daughter instead) simply because she had a fairer complexion.

In 2013, I met my husband at a lunch at my sister’s in-laws. My husband’s family had an entirely different mindset – girls were treated with equality and equity, and their birth was celebrated with much delight. All three of my working sister-in-laws earned an education of a Master’s degree or above. My mother-in-law had especially prayed for a daughter for my husband, which to me was astounding. It started to make me reflect on how primitive are the ideals that I was raised with. When I had my first child, I believed in the myth that having a boy would safeguard my position as a wife, a daughter-in-law, and as a mother. I broke down in a phone call with my sister-in-law but she quickly reminded me that the sex of the child is dependent on the man, not the woman, then why do we question the woman?

When I told my in-laws and my husband that I was having a baby girl, they were overjoyed; my mother-in-law organized an extravagant baby shower followed by an aqeeqah. My husband and our daughter share a bond so beautiful, that I lovingly envy not having that relationship with my own father. Although she’s only two and a half, my husband spends his free time teaching her, reading to her, and taking her to the park every single day.

This year I conceived for the second time, and once again my old insecurities crept up – if I have a son, my husband will love me more…if I don’t have a son, my in-laws won’t be happy with me… Even though it made no difference to my husband or in-laws as long as the baby was healthy. Once again the ultrasound technician sounded the words “it’s a girl!” Once again I was teary-eyed and began to blame myself until my husband sat me down for a one-on-one to remind me that having a boy would have no bearing on our relationship or my relationships with my in-laws. Having a boy or a girl does not define me; it is how I raise them that does. 

As an adult, I an re-learning my worth and value as a woman after getting married – what my father should have done 27 years ago and what my husband is doing every single day now. He effectively broke the cycle of patriarchy that is often sustained by women themselves. If fathers take a genuine interest in their daughter’s well-being and education, there are fewer chances of girls being exploited or abused. In this man’s world, it’s only the women that get trapped in the rules. But at least I can contribute to change by making it better for the two young women that I am raising.

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