The Bride Price: Dowry Abuse Read More on islamonline : https://islamonline.net/en/the-bride-price-dowry-abuse/

 

A woman holds a very high status in the Islamic faith. She is honored and respected at all times, but many startling transgressions have crept into Islamic practice. These transgressions have been caused by cultural influences that have no basis in Islam. One such influence is the dowry. Muslims living on the Indian subcontinent have slowly incorporated the payment of dowry into their lives.

In India, the dowry originated in the upper-caste Hindu communities as a wedding gift (cash or valuables) from the bride’s family to the groom’s family. There is nothing strange or unique about a culture influencing Muslim practice, as it is a common occurrence around the globe. There is nothing wrong with this as long as those cultural practices do not contradict Islamic law. The practice of dowry, however, does in fact transgress Islamic Law. The Bride Price We usually use the word gift for something that we give voluntarily to a person we like. A gift is something that strengthens the bond of friendship between two people. Dowry, which is usually defined as a “gift” given along with the bride by a bride’s family to the bridegroom, is used as a tool of coercion and greed in societies like India. The bride’s family must give this “gift” or the marriage will not take place. Always the price of the dowry is set higher than the bride’s family can afford, and, sadly, this results in the bride becoming a burden on her family. The bride’s family then struggles to pay the “gift.” In Islam, in contrast, it is the man who pays the mahr (dower) to the woman. The following verses in the Qur’an prove that it is the man who is obligated to pay the mahr to the woman unless the woman chooses not to take it. [And give women their dower as a free gift, but if theof themselves be pleased to give up to you a portion of it, then eat it with enjoyment and with wholesome result.](An-Nisaa’ 4:4) [And all married women [are forbidden to you] except those whom your right hands possess. (This is) Allah’s ordinance to you. And lawful for you are (all women) besides those, provided that you seek (them) with your property, taking (them) in marriage not committing fornication. Then as to those whom you profit by, give them their dowries as appointed; and there is no blame on you about what you mutually agree after what is appointed; surely Allah is Knowing, Wise.] (An-Nisaa’ 4:24) Dowry Deaths Cultures that demand dowry from the bride’s family are actually practicing the opposite of what Allah has commanded. They have reversed Allah’s words in their practice. The bride is forced to pay a negotiated amount to the groom unless the man chooses not to take it. When the woman brings less than the negotiated amount, she has to endure constant torture from her in-laws after marriage. When the husband or in-laws are not satisfied with the dowry brought by the bride, they may even go so far as to kill the woman after marriage. The most severe among all the dowry abuse is “bride burning.” The parties engaged in the murder usually report the case as an accident or suicide. While dowry abuse is most common among Hindus, it is rising among Muslims too. Despite the Dowry Prohibition Act of 1961, dowry abuse is arising in the Indian subcontinent. The Indian Ministry of Home Affairs and the National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB) reported 6,285 deaths in 2003.

The official records always include under-reportage. For example, in Delhi, 90 percent of cases of women being burned are recorded as accidents, 5 percent as suicides, and only the remaining 5 percent are shown as murders. The statistics of dowry deaths in the whole of India is spine-chilling. Alternatives Many women remain unmarried due to this dowry. Even worse is that when Muslim men intend to honor the mahr to their brides, it is often rejected. The women prefer to remain unmarried rather than to marry someone who is not from their culture. Another common practice is that people “exchange” their sons. In other words, they give a bridegroom (usually their son) to a woman to be married in exchange for a bridegroom from the woman’s family (the bride-to-be’s brother or any unmarried relative), so that they can have their daughters married without a dowry. This places an incredible disadvantage on the parents who have daughters and no sons. The parents of the daughters have to give money to get their daughters married! Objectify Women It is a sad irony that women (mainly mothers-in-law) are oppressive towards other women (daughters-in-law). It is mainly the mothers-in-law-to-be who demand dowry from the bride’s family and who end up torturing the daughter-in-law after marriage if she brings less than the negotiated amount. Syed (not his real name), aged 35, from Chennai, India said, “It is difficult to find a bride who would be able to afford all that my mom asks. … Because of this I am still unmarried.” When I asked his mother why she demands a dowry from the bride, she said, “We have spent so much on our son, for his education, for raising him and now we will marry him off and most of the money he earns will go to his wife. So she will benefit from all the money we spent on him. For that they can pay an amount to have our son.” Ahmed (not his real name), 29, from Delhi, India, said, “I don’t want to take any dowry, but can’t stop my parents from asking, as I will disrespect them if I do so.” So in an effort to respect parents and to conform to cultural norms, Muslim youth in India are bending over backwards to follow traditions that aren’t even rooted in Islam. Demanding a dowry and getting married may seem valid in the eyes of many, but will the marriage be validated in the eyes of Allah? If a culture contains un-Islamic practices, then one should not feel any shame in breaking those conflicting traditional practices. The practice of dowry has caused Muslims in many parts of the world to continue their prejudices against women despite the Islamic prohibitions against dowry. On the Indian sub-continent, a woman is considered to be a great burden mainly because of the dowry system.

It is common to see people rejoicing over the birth of a son and lamenting over the birth of a daughter. Why aren’t people listening to the message of Islam instead of following the customs around them? [And when a daughter is announced to one of them, his face becomes black and he is full of wrath. He hides himself from the people because of the evil of that which is announced to him. Shall he keep it with disgrace or bury it (alive) in the dust? Now surely evil is what they judge.] (An-Nahl 16:58-59) Allah tells us that infanticide is a grave sin and that favoring one gender over the other has no grounds in Islam. As Muslims we should consider the birth of daughters to be a great blessing. Malik reported that Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “He who brings up two girls properly till they grow up, he and I will come (together) (very closely) on the Day of Resurrection,” and he interlaced his fingers (Muslim 32:6364). Islam stressed fairness and kindness. Islam ensures that boys and girls are treated equally. It is unfortunate to see people submitting themselves to dictates of culture rather than to the will of Allah Who is our Creator, Cherisher, and Sustainer. Let us not succumb to the fitnah caused by culture and let us stand in practicing Islam by enjoining what is right and forbidding what is wrong.[And from among you there should be a party who invite to do good and enjoin what is right and forbid the wrong and these it is that shall be successful.] (Aal `Imran 3:104)

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Bangladesh's dowry related violence

Divya, a chartered accountant, was allegedly tortured and murdered by her in-laws after years of dowry harassment.

Heart-breaking :( 

Regret washes over Indira every time she thinks of her 25-year-old daughter. It weighs her down, paralysing her with guilt. She had pushed Divya to return to her husband’s house despite her repeated pleas that she was being tortured and harassed.  

It’s been two months since Divya, a chartered accountant from Mannargudi in Tamil Nadu was allegedly tortured and murdered by her in-laws on July 17.  

Caving into repeated harassment

The dowry harassment had begun weeks before her wedding in 2013 to Elan Cheran, a doctor. While Indira says that Elan’s family demanded Rs 25 lakh, they eventually paid up Rs 15 lakh in cash, and 100 sovereigns of gold in the hope that it would secure their daughter’s future happiness.  But it was never enough.

The harassment began days after the wedding. “Her mother-in-law would scold her for everything. They did not even let her eat food properly. We even tried speaking to her mother-law but nothing changed,” says Indira.

Over the course of four years, Divya returned to her family home multiple times, each time with a plea not to send her back.  

“Divya used to keep coming back home and would tell us that she does not want to go back to her husband’s house. She was tortured there. How could we let her stay at home? She was young and I thought fights are common in every house. I would keep telling her respect your in-laws and do not argue with them,” recalls Indira.

Every time the chartered accountant came home with a fresh list of demands from her in-laws, her family would cave in. They coughed up Rs 7 lakh in cash, sent many gifts including a TV, beds and other household items.  

ge: Divya with her husband and in-laws

Now four years later, Indira admits that her biggest regret is sending her only daughter back to her harassers. She says, “The only mistake we did was to send her back to her in-laws’ house. I want to tell all parents that they should never send their daughters back if they tell them about any dowry harassment.”

The last time Divya had come to her parents’ home was two days before she was allegedly killed. This time she had arrived with her husband Elan and son.

“One month before the murder, her husband’s family treated her very well. They pretended that everything was fine. They did not want us to have any doubts. If I had known that they will murder her, I would have never sent her back. She herself would not have gone back,” laments Indira.

On July 17, Divya’s father-in-law and two other men allegedly hit her and suffocated her to death using a pillow. The father-in-law had allegedly confessed to the crime, telling the police that his wife and him had wanted their son to get married again so they could get more dowry.

Divorce never an option

Although Divya’s family never imagined that her in-laws would murder their only daughter, they admit that divorce was never an option.  

Premkumar says, "We never thought of divorce as an option as we thought everything will be alright in sometime. If we knew it will lead to my sister's death, we would have definitely thought of it."

The social stigma that comes with separation and divorce have forced many families including Divya’s to push for reconciliation, whatever the cost. With their marriage strained, Divya’s family hoped that taking the issue to the panchayat would help resolve their marital problems.  

“Both the families were called, we sorted out the problems and sent my daughter back,” recounts Indira.

But the harassment persisted. Divya would very often return home only to be sent back days later. It became routine, her family admits. “Her in-laws never used to allow her to stay at our house for more than three days. They will have some demand. I will take money or get whatever they want from my son and then we will send her back,” says her mother.

Following Divya’s murder, the police arrested five people in the case, including her husband Elan Cheran, his parents, and two other men - Shivakumar and Senthil. All five accused have been remanded to Trichy central prison, and a case has been filed under Section 498A (Husband or relative of husband of a woman subjecting her to cruelty) and Section 302 (Punishment for murder) of the Indian Penal Code.

“Around 10.30pm that night, her mother-in-law called me and asked me to come to their house, saying that Divya is unwell. By the time, I reached their home, they had taken her to a government hospital. When I reached the hospital, I realised she was murdered by her in-laws,” Premkumar recalls.

With Divya’s face covered in marks, Premkumar filed a complaint with the Mannargudi town police station the next day.

Her story, however, is hardly the first in Tamil Nadu or in India.

In 2015, Tamil Nadu reported 65 dowry deaths while across the country 7634 women had died following dowry harassment. In other words, according to  National Crime Records Bureau dowry claims at least 21 lives every day. The conviction rate, however, remains abysmally low at 34.7%.   

But Premkumar hopes and prays that justice will prevail and that Divya’s killers will be brought to book. “In most of the cases, the accused are out on bail. The court must punish them, so that, no one else does the same,” he says.

Link

Australia's Dowry Deaths - 101 East

All Indians take note!! :)

Heroine of Bangladesh!

Bangladesh bride disowns her 'dowry demanding' husband

A top human rights group in Bangladesh has praised a bride who disowned her husband within minutes of their wedding because he demanded a dowry.

Sultana Kamal of the Ask rights group said that Farzana Yasmin had taken a "principled and brave stand against the gross injustice of dowry payments".

Ms Yasmin told the BBC that dowries "were the cancer of society".

Giving or receiving dowries is a criminal offence in Bangladesh but is still widely practised.

"Ms Yasmin has shown considerable bravery in doing what she did to highlight the evil and oppressive dowry system," said Ms Kamal, the head of the Ain o Salish Kendra (Ask) rights group.

She said that the number of enforced dowries in rural areas was alarming, and that it was not diminishing despite government efforts to wipe out the tradition.

"Already she is facing recriminations with several parties trying to defame her and portray her as a loose woman. In fact she is a heroine of Bangladesh."

'Have to protest'
Ms Yasmin's decision to divorce her husband within minutes of their wedding in the conservative southern district of Barguna has sent shockwaves through the country, with supporters and opponents of her action fiercely arguing their cases on Facebook.

The "10-minute bride" told the BBC that she wanted other "dowry-oppressed women" in Bangladesh to be inspired by her actions, which correspondents say appear to be without precedent.

"The dowry has become a cancer of our society. I have read this in newspapers and always wondered why people should put up with it," the masters graduate told the BBC's Shakeel Anwar.

"When I found myself getting caught up with this, I thought I have to protest.

"I know I cannot change the fate of thousands of other similarly oppressed women in the country but at least I have taken a stand."

Ms Yasmin - who has fled her home village to take refuge with friends and family in Dhaka - denounced her husband as she was about to be taken to her wedding car at the end of her marriage celebrations.

She told the BBC that he and his family wanted to delay her departure until they had received "gifts", including a TV and a fridge.

"My older sister reacted: 'We are going to give you our girl only, nothing else was promised'," she said.

Ms Yasmin said that she was "dumbfounded" by the actions of her "rogue husband" and his family. She ended up discarding her wedding dress and storming out of the ceremony.

She says that she is now filing for divorce.

source