Thursday 22 December 2022

The Rise of the Muslim Incel: Ideological Victim Blaming and Its Harm to Muslim Women and Men

The internet is a place of extremes. While the risks of a global information and communication system built on binaries has long been foretold, we are now fully down the rabbit hole of an increasingly disturbing phenomenon of anti-female sentiment in the shape of Red Pill and Incel movements.

Much like its political opposite of ‘woke’, the term Red Pill – a cultural reference to the fin de siecle blockbuster The Matrix – denotes a kind of social and political awakening. The Matrix itself (a film created during the end of a millenia when cultural anxieties are brought most provocatively to the fore) projects an alternative reality in which the main character is given a choice between swallowing a red pill that will allow him to learn the hard truth about the world in which he lives and a blue pill that will allow him to stay oblivious and return to his normal life. Similarly, proponents of these ideologies believe patriarchy is a social mirage that masks a deeply misandrist society.

Conversely, these movements have constructed, and are now fully immersed in, a reality in which female privilege overwhelmingly shackles men to positions of disadvantage. According to Incel communities (the term Incel stands for ‘Involuntarily Celibate’ and refers to men who display romantic frustrations because they consider themselves unable to attract women ) that follow this inverted truth, the interests of women dictate social and political systems, leaving men marginalised and discriminated against. These cyberculture enclaves act as ideological havens for aggrieved men who believe they are downtrodden by the force of female entitlement. Worryingly, they have made violent protrusions into the real world in the shape of increasingly misogynistic attitudes, abuse against women and, at the extreme end of the scale, mass shootings and other violent hate crimes.

In reality, Inceldom and Red Pill thought is the result of the social anxiety that exists around the role of male identity in these volatile economic times. As the nuclear family, and the traditional gender and economic roles that define it, face threats from social, political, cultural and global shifts to its foundations, the gender orthodoxy which hallmark capitalist societies is left disfigured.

Minceldom and Red Pill thinking in Muslim spaces
The binary nature of the internet, and the divisive social architecture it creates means the contrived male vs. female dynamic was always the most vulnerable to manipulation on digital terrain. Likewise, the age old trope of Muslim as ‘other’, provides the perfect blueprint for a dichotomous internet culture to so neatly map itself upon. As such, it is perhaps no surprise that Inceldom has found such healthy expression in the online Muslim world. While political powers hang upon a vilified Muslim identity in order to justify the industrial-complexes on which they depend, the Muslim identity will always be ripe for exploitation. This tortured social alchemy creating a proud army of Mincels; ‘Muslim involuntarily celibate men’.

There are a number of factors which result in young Muslim men being so taken by this inherently racist and sexist ideology which, not insignificantly, was borne from white, Christian, male culture- hitherto top of the global food chain – on niche internet forums such as Reddit and 4chan.

During these increasingly uncertain social and economic times, Muslim families – and questions pertaining to gender roles in the Muslim home- face similar contestations. This environment of uncertainty is similarly generating existential discomfort amongst Muslim men for whom bedrocks of masculinity such as marriage and economic primacy are no longer at arms reach, creating an identity crisis which sees Muslim men aggressively assume exaggerated and superficial qualities of masculinity as defence.  

Internalised Islamophobia is another significant driver of this currency of misogyny amongst young Muslim men; as the Muslim identity is increasingly problematised, Muslims by default are placed on the back foot,  qualifying Islam through a secular, non-Muslim lens; attaching it to symbols of perceived greatness to make up for its perceived deficiencies. With the racialised make-up of Muslims in the west, there are also many racial nuances that further complicate this unfortunate tendency – whitewashing for legitimacy is synonymous with secularisation in the Muslim world.

The validation that young Muslim men seek is satiated when WASP (White Anglo-Saxon Protestant) culture, and its most prominent media figures, wrongly attribute, and glorify, a whole range of racist, orientalist and Islamophobic tropes to Islam and Muslims. In effect, Muslim men have begun to accept false and crude stereotypes regarding Islamic masculinity that are being celebrated by burgeoning online communities, as they are reclaimed as part of Western tradition and heralded as the way forward. For a generation of young Muslim men, this represents a shift in a value system that has always had them in a chokehold, and which now present an opportunity for cultural redemption. Coupled with lazy political thinking which creates a false alliance between right-wing and Muslim interests in popular Muslim thought, the ground becomes fertile for the rapid growth of this ideology

The attention economy on which digital content thrives means that naturally, Muslim male influencers are now taking on and promoting the ideological cadences of this internet movement that glamourises sexual and domestic violence. The convolution between misogyny and Islam is so cemented in modern Muslim thought, that anti-female views become the basis by which social media influencers lay their claim to Islam – it has become a mark of Islamic authenticity in the Dawah world to speak disparagingly of the idea of female rights. These influencers, who are clocking up tens of thousands of hits and are increasingly legitimised, appear to revel in the subversive nature of their anti-female views, apparently unaware that the identity they occupy is just as much a making of secular ideology as the feminism they claim to be fighting a righteous battle against. As a community we appear to be willingly donning the monstrous mask of Islamophobic caricatures, now placated by social media influencers.

Muslim men who have been conscripted by this false doctrine are equally pacified by the reassuringly simple narrative that they propagate, and which provides a welcome distraction from the complexities of real life.

Real life examples of how this is harming muslim women and children are endless. Emotionally and physically abusive relationships are all but celebrated online – and disturbing narratives coming directly from Muslim men – who are expressly comparing women to Shaitan – are promoting the mistreatment of women, wrongly in the name of Islamic ideology. One haunting example includes a Muslim man who boasts about his partner serving him tea having just delivered their child, and revelling in the subjugation of a physically and emotionally vulnerable woman. Ironically, this attitude is antithetical to the Prophetic tradition that Islam is built upon which includes an honourable focus on empathy, compassion and charity – not to mention a whole moral code upon which marital relations and rights are honoured.

The construct of the punitive, harsh and corrective Muslim male in popular Muslim thought is simultaneously and contradictorily portrayed as both the result of divine law and natural order, and as a punishing measure for the straying of Muslim women. In reality, it is Muslim women that should be lamenting the loss of Islamic masculinity, through social tantrums, or otherwise. This emptying of Islamic masculinity is exemplified in how the terms of debate regarding polygamy are shaped entirely by male desire, and the social responsibility, which a majority of scholars classify as the purpose of multiple marriages, remains an invisible and neglected consideration.

Miscategorisation of a growing problem
While the underlying reasons for the sprouting of Inceldom in Muslim digital spaces are many and complex, the insistence that we see within the Muslim community of those that recognise it harms, of lazily ascribing blame for the popularity of these movements to ‘feminism’ – in short, women – does nothing to address or remedy this distressing trend. In fact, it mirrors the wider pattern amongst the Inceldom beyond the Muslim world, where there is an insistence on portraying Red Pill communities as fighting a cultural war against feminism. We are effectively affirming their own deluded narrative.

In the eyes of incels, the feminist is the ultimate evil and the main cause of their social demise. Equally, amongst Red Pill apologists, the idea of the ‘feminist’/ liberal Muslim woman is presented as the sole driver for men involuntarily being pushed into hateful stances. Despite the recognition that Red Pill thought is antithetical to Islam, we are seeing this constant excusing of male behaviour.

This false equivalence between feminism and Inceldom is itself another contradictory dimension to Inceldom – the former is an intellectual, political and social movement spanning centuries and borne from an extended history of abuse and inequality – and which includes a whole spectrum of positions – and the latter an undesirable and unintelligible internet off-shoot based on self-victimisation. This posturing does little to address the gravity of the situation at hand.

Once again, the gender debates that occupy Muslim men and women are tellingly based on suppositions about our own religion, which are entirely reactive and false. Just like the answers to social unease amongst Muslim men cannot be found in secular or non-Muslim solutions, the expression of this social angst should unequivocally not mirror that of non-Muslim, or unislamic cultures like Red Pill. In the same way that conventional gender roles in Muslim and non-Muslim, Western culture are in no way aligned, Muslim men cannot hark back to a history of gender norms that does not belong to Islamic culture. They should not interpret Red Pill as a rallying cry of solidarity from men across the globe; their aims and motivations are not the same. Islamic masculinity comes from a place of security and Taqwa, not insecurity and panic.

Equally, the reductive and patently false flag of ‘Islam is a feminist religion’ itself does Islam a disservice – Islam, a divine moral code set by our Creator, will always be transcendentally and substantively more than any humanly defined phenomenon. Islam established women’s God-given rights as equal believers, and exists as a universal truth that outspans any earthly social movement and its claims to parity or equity. The need for muslim women to lay claim to feminism as a means of equal treatment speaks of the conceptual dwarfing of Islam in western intellect, and the mistreatment of Muslim women in Muslim societies.

If the Muslim feminist is continually touted as the ultimate evil, and feminism itself attributed to female ungodliness, then as a community we need to address why Incel culture is repeatedly spoken about as an inevitable response to feminism, and not men being just as prone to unIslamic ideologies. We need to think about why an entirely male phenomenon is being attributed to women. And why Muslim women clutching onto secular models of equality is not seen in the same victimised way – despite the shameful mountain of statistical evidence which demonstrates that a worrying number of women are on the receiving end of physical, emotional and spiritual abuse in our communities.

Taken to its logical conclusion, this line of argument which assigns no blame to men, implies that men are morally infallible, and women inherently corrupt. This reasoning reinforces the most ugly tenets of Red Pill thinking and creates the ideal environment for domestic and spiritual abuse of women to thrive. It is especially insulting given women are overwhelmingly the victim of Red Pill and Incel culture, not men; it is in essence ideological victim blaming. It shifts the onus onto women and encourages further self-victimisation amongst men who are developing increasingly warped perceptions of reality.

The undercurrents of this thinking, the idea of the original female sin and the morally reprehensible woman, are as old as time and as alien to Islam as the Red Pill ideology they prop up and support. They demonstrate the disfigured, ahistorical Islam that is adopted by men in these movements, and are worsening a situation whose only cure is to return to the Qur’an and Sunnah, and for men to adopt the sense of responsibility, honour, accountability and kindness that characterised our Prophet ﷺ.

While this apologism collectively allows Muslim men, and the hateful male spaces that exist within them, to evade responsibility – and does nothing to advance the lost masculinity they claim to mourn – individually it does young Muslim men a great disservice. It grants them an impunity that does them a disfavour as believers particularly, and denies them the opportunity for self-reflection and growth. When young men see prominent figures in the community defer accountability for the wrongs of Mincel onto Muslim women, they are effectively being told not to assume any duty or obligation as Muslim men – it is entirely emasculating.  In keeping with a more general trend in Muslim cultures of disburdening men from responsibility, it stunts their moral development and prevents them from reaching their potential. If our moral well-being depends upon an unadulterated  relationship with reality and our own selves – what might cultural and religious leaders be doing in cushioning men from these social, economic and personal blows?

Unfortunately it is in keeping with the ideological migration we see of furthering away from the Sunnah. While the grounds of the debate continues to shift to more extreme positions, we risk alienating more and more women, while they face further individual and collective scrutiny in demanding their basic rights as believers. Muslim men need to understand that misogyny, the ideological bedfellow of Islamophobia, is a characteristic of the forefathers of anti-Muslim sentiment, the Quraish, and should be eschewed by the inheritors of our faith. It is without doubt an inherent trait of the Jahil.

Moving forward
What we need to see is Muslim men unequivocally denouncing this movement which is part of a larger, unrelenting course of punishing Muslim women that exists beyond our faith community and appears to have no geographical borders or limits. If Muslim women are the ideological punch bag of world leaders, domestic policy, and the wilderness of internet discourse and its material impact on our homes – what hope do we have of moving forward as a community? Who can muslim women turn to if we are both the cause and victim to our apparently justified abuse?

The countless examples of the Prophet’s ﷺ love, mercy, kindness, compassion and tenderness to the women in his life and in society at large should be the basis by which we begin the conversation on gender relations, given the wider climate. The well-known example of Banu Qainuqa, a Medinian tribe that dishonoured a Muslim woman and against whom the Prophet ﷺ lay siege for 15 days as a result, goes some way in demonstrating the tradition of respecting and upholding the dignity of Muslim women in Islam.

There must be a concerted effort to finally decouple misogyny from Islam as it now exists in the mind of Muslim men, and to understand Islam not as an endorsement of or reaction to modern or pre-modern eras, but a timeless ideology which stands independently and which wholly recognises men and women as twin halves in faith. Muslim men need to be educated on our history, to fully recognise that misogyny is not a Muslim trait, and never has been. In the conventional social hierarchy, changes to which birthed this screaming and distressed Red Pill movement, Muslim men sit far below the white men who promulgate this view. A defining feature of racist ideology is the pandering to men of colour who they deem as inferior, when it suits their misogynistic agenda. Muslim men, like women, are no more than a tool in the broader Incel manifesto.

The idea of Muslim women’s rights, based on Islamic tenets and not lies we are being told about our own religion needs to be reestablished amongst Millennial and Gen Z Muslims in an uplifting, non-condescending way, we are not lollipops and we need to jettison the fable like narrative of femininity that infantilises us as less than male believers in the eyes of our Creator.

And while hairs will be split about the tone women take as we are crushed under the heel of a rampant misogynistic Islamophobia, I only hope men will pause to reflect on our actual call. Only when men approach the table with a sense of the Prophetic qualities of humility are we in a position to have a meaningful conversation and a necessary departure from the deadlock we are in. There are countless nuanced debates about how women can better themselves as believers and armour themselves against thinking and practice that is unIslamic in nature – where are these conversations taking place in Muslim men’s spaces? Where are we seeing religious and cultural figures making critiques which centre men’s agency and accountability in a movement which is openly violent against women? The answer to these questions that are generated in the male Muslim community lie exactly there, and as believers in Allāh, Muslim women have to have faith that they will be answered, by the will of Allah.


Tuesday 20 December 2022

Why this Muslim is pushing back against Andrew Tate


In late October, a video went viral on Twitter, showing former British kickboxer Andrew Tate learning how to pray like a Muslim from a friend and fellow MMA fighter, Tam Khan. Days later, Khan confirmed Tate’s conversion to Islam.

It was a blow to Muslim women like myself, and to parents and others in the community who had been breathing a sigh of relief since Tate was banned across every major social media platform in August. Our big fear: this might cement his popularity with some Muslim men. It is a worry that has only been amplified by Elon Musk’s decision to reinstate Tate’s Twitter account.

In one of Tate’s most notorious videos, he talks about how he would respond if a woman was to accuse him of cheating: “It’s bang out the machete, boom in her face and grip her by the neck. Shut up b**** … slap, slap, grab, choke,” he says. Tate has previously said in a tweet that “if you put yourself in a position to be raped, you must bear some responsibility”.

Comments like these have made Tate a central figure in digital red pill culture and its increasingly violent overtones. The term, “take the red pill”, is a pop culture reference taken from the 1999 sci-fi movie The Matrix; it means opening your eyes to the truth. What was actually a transgender allegory according to the film’s creator Lily Wachowski is now used to describe a digital movement of mainly white ultraconservative men who believe that they are victims of feminism and are mistreated by society.

What has been particularly worrying for many in the Muslim community in the West is that Tate has become a role model for some Muslim men, especially after expressing his admiration for Islam in this YouTube video. These men have taken to Twitter, in a corner of the social media platform that some in the community have nicknamed MT or Muslim Twitter, to align themselves with Tate and his views.

But many Muslims — both women and men — are also pushing back against this trend, warning of the risks involved if the poisonous material being peddled by the likes of Tate gains acceptance among broader sections of the community’s youth.

As secondary school teacher Nadeine Asbali wrote in the New Statesman in August, Tate’s content “has its hooks” into Muslim boys, some of whom share his content on social media. “Figures such as Tate even praise Muslims, inflicting their own patriarchal ideas onto a faith that is predicated on the very opposite,” she wrote.

Prominent Muslim intellectuals in the West — such as author Khaled Beydoun and Shabana Mir, professor at Chicago’s American Islamic College — have also publicly expressed worries about the rise of red pill culture among young Muslim men.

Others have been more direct in condemning the misogyny of men like Tate and in explaining how their words and actions contradict the teachings of Islam.

Bilal Ware, professor of history at the University of California in Santa Barbara, posted a series of Instagram posts criticising da’wah influencers who have been hosting Tate on their podcasts and in YouTube videos. “Giving platforms to unrepentant misogynists, whether converts or lifelong believers sends a clear message: abusers welcome.” He also took a stance against toxic masculinity by saying, “The Muslim ‘manosphere’ has become a preserve for emasculated, intimidated men to play tough by bullying women. This is not Islam.”

Joseph Lumbard, an associate professor of Quran studies at the Hamad Bin Khalifa University in Doha, has been tweeting to challenge the suggestion that by converting to Islam, Tate’s reputation is fully rehabilitated — despite no denouncement of his violent misogyny. “Too many Muslim men are seeking to give him a pass, claiming ḥusn al-ẓann [having a good opinion] and that Islam wipes away all sins,” Lumbard tweeted on October 29. “These are indeed important Islamic principles that apply in the vast majority of cases, but not when they are employed to excuse violent misogyny, grifting, and all manner of fisq [wickedness] and fasād [corruption] that AT’s [Andrew Tate’s] social media platforms continue to promote.”

This pushback from within the community — and especially from teachers and scholars — is critical because Tate’s popularity represents a broader trend of red pill culture taking hold among some Muslim men.

In recent years, digital platforms like Twitter and Reddit have given rise to what the Muslim online community calls “mincels” – Muslim incels. They use Twitter and Redditt threads to troll Muslim women online, blaming single mothers for the ills of society, saying that a man has the right to beat his wife, and calling for the return of female concubinage and advocating a “no-strings-attached nikah”.

The irony is that many of those spreading red pill culture online belong to a white, ultra-far-right worldview that is often openly Islamophobic.

I am both wary and sceptical of Tate’s conversion, because I question what it was that attracted him to my faith. Consider his earlier video, where he reacted to Will Smith’s “red table talk” with his wife Jada Pinkett-Smith regarding her infidelity by saying that watching the clip had made him want to convert to Islam because in a Muslim country she would have been stoned to death. I suspect that it is white Islamophobic and Orientalist misperceptions of Islam as being a religion that permits violence towards women that are the basis for Tate’s conversion. “I am going to find myself a nice Islamic-a** wife, and build up a big pile of rocks in case she gets fresh,” Tate says at the end of the video.

I worry that Tate is taking advantage of his popularity among alt-right Muslim men to rehabilitate his image and rebrand himself.

We as a community have to acknowledge that we also hold part of the blame for Tate’s popularity among some of our male youth. Our madrassas, Saturday schools and households are often lacking when it comes to educating our Muslim youth on healthy relationships and on respecting girls and women from a young age.

We need more and more Muslim men to join us in pushing back on misogyny in all its forms — online, on campus, at home, on the streets, and in the masjid. 


Wednesday 16 November 2022

Marriages of today


Can we stop comparing marriages of our parents and grand parents to our marriages? Feminism and liberalism is NOT  the issue, women have learnt to identify abuse, women are independent and women don't put up with gaslighting anymore. Women have also realised its harmful for children to grow in an abusive household and the idea of "kids need both their parents" is farce. Kids need happy, sane and healthy parents.

Please stop labelling women as "impatient". And rather teach men to level up, treat women better, stop expecting women to be their second mothers.
Longevity of a marriage does not equal a successful marriage. Some of the most broken children come from marriages that went on longer than they should have.
Where the women put up with abuse because she had no other option.
The condescending and emotionally ignorant jibes from these boomers gotta stop like yesterday.
It's always better to be single and alone than to be in a relationship, to be abused, used and be alone.
Women realizing their self worth and not putting up with abuse is the reason most marriages aren't working. Teach men to be less abusive, better at communication and to lay out all expectations before marriage so women can make informed decisions.

If you want her to cook for entire family, if she will have to ask mother in law for her expenses, if she has to ask all members of the family before leaving home, if she has to hand over her salary to father in law, if she has to keep quiet when someone in your family hits her children, if she has to give up her job, if she has to share a bathroom with other family members and your brothers. If she has to handover her gold to her mother in law, if her marriage gold will be given away to your sister in her marriage.
Lay all these things out in the open. Instead of putting her through this after marriage.
Before someone says "not all men" - "enough men" to make this status. Also most men know nothing about their brothers or male friends or how they are behind closed doors with the women of their family. So before you stand up for your mate make sure you truly know him.
IMPORTANT - Yes I know happens to men too. But happens way more especially in desi communities to women. 

From the Ideal Muslimah

Monday 14 November 2022

Why Muslim women are upset with Andrew Tate’s conversion


Many have asked why Muslim women are upset with Andrew Tate’s conversion. That is the wrong question. We should be overjoyed when anyone accepts Islam.

The issue is the celebration connected with definitive declarations such as, “The top G accepted Islam!” and, “He’ll bring real masculinity back into this Ummah!” The issue is some Muslim men viewing a man who *domestic violence shelters* described as “capable of radicalizing men and boys to commit harm offline,” as a paragon of manhood. The issue is the glorification of a personality – pre-Islam – associated with exploitation of women. The issue is expressing unfettered jubilation without nuancing, “inshAllah through Islam he can find the best form of reformation.” The issue is the celebration, without any acknowledgement of the ramifications that the celebration is of his messaging before.
The Prophetic Tradition of Honoring Women
The Prophet ﷺ took a generation of men and women who were from a culture which buried their own baby girls alive, to a generation of men who honored women, and women who saw honor in themselves.

This mentorship started from infancy, even in the most sacred space. The Prophet ﷺ used to pray while carrying his granddaughter Umāma, and when he prostrated he placed her down and when he got up he carried her. [Bukhari, Muslim] Ibn Hajar quotes the scholar Fakahani in explaining that the Prophet ﷺ  did so to show them in action how to honor girls. [Fathul Bari].
The comprehensive change of a generation is summarized by Omar’s raḍyAllāhu 'anhu (may Allāh be pleased with him) statement, “In the times of ignorance, we used to have no regard for women whatsoever. But when Islam came and Allah made mention of them, this caused us to realize that they have rights upon us…” [Bukhari]
Revelation transformed a culture of violence, ownership and objectification of women to one in which women and men were, as described by t

he Prophet ﷺ “partners” [Ahmad], and as the Quran describes, “allies” [Surat At-Tawbah: 9;71]
Islamic law and Islamic history have shown us the depth of care and critical participation of women, as established by the mentorship of the Prophet ﷺ :
1.Spiritual space: Aishah raḍyAllāhu 'anha (may Allāh be pleased with her) narrates about a Mother of the Believers that she was in i’tikaaf with the Prophet ﷺ “and she was bleeding in between her periods. She used to see the blood and she would perhaps put a dish under her for the blood.” (this was the bleeding of istihaadha, not menses, which take different rulings for prayer) [Bukhari]
If a Mother of the Believers would go to the masjid in istihaadha, and because of not having today’s hygienic resources would put a tray under her to protect the masjid from her blood, but would still pray in the masjid – then what does that say about a woman’s access and connection to the house of God?
2. Intimacy: While there is a depth and breadth of discussion on the issue from a legal perspective, Ibn Taymiyyah’s words speak to a recognition of women’s needs even in spaces wrongfully considered taboo: “Causing harm to the wife by not having intercourse is grounds for annulment in all cases, whether the husband did that intentionally or otherwise, and whether he was able to do it or not; it is like maintenance and even more important.” [Fatawa alKubra]
How often have women been made to feel like sex is only for men, that being sexual beings is only for men? And yet Omar himself changed law on how long men could serve in the army when he overheard just one woman complain she was sexually lonely without her husband. [Ibn Qudamah, alMughni]
3. Scholarship: Women scholars played a critical role in Islamic history. Aisha, the daughter of the great saw]companion Saad ibn Abi Waqqas, taught Imam Malik. Sayyid Nafisa, the great granddaughter of the Prophetﷺ himself, was the teacher of Imam alShafi. Karimah alMarwaziyyah, the greatest hadith scholar of her time, was the teacher of alKhatib alBaghdadi. Shaykha Fatima bint Muhammad alSamarqandi was a scholar who the famous Salahudin alAyoubi and his predecessor Noor alDin would seek fatawa from, seeking advice on state matters. These are simply a handful of thousands of women scholars in our history. [Sh Akram Nadwi’s AlMuhadithaat, Ibn Hajar’s alIsabah fi Tamiz alSahaba, Ibn Sa’ad’s al-Tabaqat, and alSakhawi’s alDaw’ al-Lami’]

A Dangerous Following & The Muslim Male Reaction
The Prophet ﷺ is associated with uplifting women. Contrast this with Andrew Tate, whose brand is associated with men who harm and objectify women. In fact, a sister who is working on publishing a study with a university sent me a message explaining, “I work in social services in England, I’ve come across several young men newly referred to the social services for violent behavioral challenges, and when interviewing and working with each of these young men in the last year we have identified at least 65% of them had consumed Tate’s material.” While she recognized this may be correlation rather than causation, she mentioned that the fact so many of them cited him by name is alarming.
Despite all this, before Tate even accepted Islam, some men micro-influencers were hosting him on podcasts and promoting him on their pages. They were platforming someone who was proud to have a webcam business of exploiting women for entertainment, who spoke and joked openly about committing violence against women and objectified women in some of the most derogatory ways. These micro-influencers who platformed him are not scholars. In fact, I have heard men scholars in the past denounce Tate and warn Muslim men from following him. Why were these men hosting him as an example of manhood before he even became Muslim, when these views are so blatantly far from Islam?
Dear Brothers: When you praise Tate as a “true man” who can bring that manhood into the Ummah with his conversion, you communicate to many women that you literally do not care about what happens to your sisters.
Can you see why Muslim women, especially women who are victims and survivors of domestic violence and those who work with women and children who are, could be terrified that Muslim men will adopt Tate’s pre-Islamic attitudes towards women? And even worse, now take Tate’s previous attitudes and deem them Islamic?
This week, sisters who have written publicly regarding feeling terrified about staying in this community because of many Muslim men’s loudly celebratory and un-nuanced reaction, have received death threats from Muslim men who follow Tate. These women were told they aren’t actually believers and they saw Muslim men on multiple live social media streams joking about raping them. Yes, they did report these accounts. But the fact that this has been the experience of so many women who have vocally expressed their concerns, is certainly in line with that same type of branding.
We welcome conversion joyfully. And we should all recognize that rectification takes time, support, and mentorship. Conversion is an opportunity to perfect not only one’s beliefs, but also one’s character in following the pinnacle of character ﷺ
We should pray Andrew Tate will become the best of us and that we all become better. We should want him to have incredible support and mentorship to become his best self in front of Allah and in the footsteps of the Messenger (peace and blessings of God be upon him). But that process- as we all recognize- takes time. And the fact that we aren’t giving him time before he is immediately lauded as an example and hosted on so many platforms, is alarming and speaks to the real issue.
This is not an issue of conversion. The issue is commentary on the reaction of some men in our community, the silence of too many in the face of those men, and the willingness for them to not only not recognize how their reaction is so viscerally painful for women, but also how violent some of these same “brothers” are when they disagree with their sisters, and the double standards of these same men when it comes to women.

So celebrate conversion, yes, but also recognize the necessity for public accountability and responsibility to uphold the Prophet’s ﷺ mandate to men:
“…I enjoin you to be good to women.” [Bukhari] 

From Maryam Amir fb

Friday 14 October 2022

Struggling with Fear and Sadness - Khutbah Reminders - Nouman Ali Khan

In this clip, Ustadh Nouman explains how we can derive strength from our faith to navigate the hardships that we will go through in life and how we come out stronger and more resilient.

Thursday 13 October 2022

Honor Killing from an Islamic Perspective


It’s a well-known fact that Islam maintains the protection of life and does not sanction any violation against it. In the Glorious Qur’an, Allah, Most High, says, “Whoso slayeth a believer of set purpose, his reward is Hell for ever. Allah is wroth against him and He hath cursed him and prepared for him an awful doom.” (An-Nisa’: 93) `Abdullah ibn Mas`ud, may Allah be pleased with him, reported that the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “The blood of a Muslim may not be legally spilt other than in one of three [instances]: the married person who commits adultery; a life for a life; and one who forsakes his religion and abandons the community.” (Reported by Al-Bukhari and Muslim).

Sh.Ahmad Kutty, a senior lecturer and an Islamic scholar at the Islamic Institute of Toronto, Ontario, Canada, states: “There is no such concept in Islam that is called “honor killing”. Islam holds every soul in high esteem and does not allow any transgression upon it. It does not allow people to take the law in their own hands and administer justice, because doing so will be leading to chaos and lawlessness. Therefore, based on this, Islam does not permit such killings. First of all, in order to sanction killing, it must be through a binding verdict issued by an authoritative law court. Individuals themselves have no authority either to judge cases or pass judgments. 

Therefore, a Muslim should not sanction such killing because doing so will be leading to the rule of the law of the jungle. A civilized society cannot be run by such laws.” Shedding more light on it, Sheikh `Atiyyah Saqr, former head of Al-Azhar Fatwa Committee, states: “Like all other religions, Islam strictly prohibits murder and killing without legal justification. Allah, Most High, says, “Whoso slayeth a believer of set purpose, his reward is Hell for ever. Allah is wroth against him and He hath cursed him and prepared for him an awful doom.” (An-Nisa’: 93) The so-called “honor killing” is based on ignorance and disregard of morals and laws, which cannot be abolished except by disciplinary punishments. 

It goes without saying that people are not entitled to take the law in their own hands, for it’s the responsibility of the Muslim State and its concerned bodies to maintain peace, security, etc., and to prevent chaos and disorder from creeping into the Muslim society.” Moreover, the eminent Muslim scholar, Sheikh Muhammad Al-Hanooti, member of the North American Fiqh Council, adds: “In Islam, there is no place for unjustifiable killing. Even in case of capital punishment, only the government can apply the law through the judicial procedures. No one has the authority to execute the law other than the officers who are in charge. Honor killing could be a wrong cultural tradition. It is unjust and inhumane action. The murderer of that type deserves punishment.”

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Tuesday 11 October 2022

Longevity of a marriage does not equal a successful marriage.


Can we stop comparing marriages of our parents and grand parents to our marriages? Feminism and liberalism is NOT  the issue, women have learnt to identify abuse, women are independent and women don't put up with gaslighting anymore. Women have also realised its harmful for children to grow in an abusive household and the idea of "kids need both their parents" is farce. Kids need happy, sane and healthy parents. 

Please stop labelling women as "impatient". And rather teach men to level up, treat women better, stop expecting women to be their second mothers. 

Longevity of a marriage does not equal a successful marriage. Some of the most broken children come from marriages that went on longer than they should have.
Where the women put up with abuse because she had no other option. 

The condescending and emotionally ignorant jibes from these boomers gotta stop like yesterday.
It's always better to be single and alone than to be in a relationship, to be abused, used and be alone.
Women realizing their self worth and not putting up with abuse is the reason most marriages aren't working. Teach men to be less abusive, better at communication and to lay out all expectations before marriage so women can make informed decisions.

If you want her to cook for entire family, if she will have to ask mother in law for her expenses, if she has to ask all members of the family before leaving home, if she has to hand over her salary to father in law, if she has to keep quiet when someone in your family hits her children, if she has to give up her job, if she has to share a bathroom with other family members and your brothers. If she has to handover her gold to her mother in law, if her marriage gold will be given away to your sister in her marriage.
Lay all these things out in the open. Instead of putting her through this after marriage.
Before someone says "not all men" - "enough men" to make this status. Also most men know nothing about their brothers or male friends or how they are behind closed doors with the women of their family. So before you stand up for your mate make sure you truly know him.
IMPORTANT - Yes I know happens to men too. But happens way more especially in desi communities to women. 

From Ideal Muslimah

Monday 10 October 2022

Ka'ab Ibn Malik (ra): The Greatest Story of Repentance | The Firsts | Dr. Omar Suleiman

The eloquent poet who was silenced, then elevated through his story to be the most narrated about repenter in the history of Islam.

Wednesday 5 October 2022

O Allah, I Love You Even Though I Disobey You | Khutbah by Dr. Omar Suleiman


While some of the pious predecessors were passing away, they made a prayer to the effect of “O Allah, I love you even though I disobey you.” Is it possible to really love Allah and disobey Him at the same time? If so, what are the limits to that disobedience?

Monday 3 October 2022

Abdullah Ibn Rawahah (ra): The Warrior Poet | The Firsts | Dr. Omar Suleiman


O My Soul, Death Is Inevitable,So It Is Better for You to Be Martyred

Abdullah ibn Rawaahah ibn Tha'labah (Arabic: عبدالله ابن رواحة‎‎) was one of the companions of Rasulullah ﷺ.
Abdullah ibn Rawaahah RA was from the Arabian tribe, the Banu Khazraj. At a time when writing was not a common skill he was a writer and a poet.
Abdullah-bin-Rawaha RA was originally a Christian writer from Madinah and was also known as Abu Amru’ Al-Ansari Al-Khazraji Al-Badri. He was one of the most active persons from among the Ansar to support the faith of Islam and strengthen its structure.

Friday 30 September 2022

Pioneers of Islamic History: Omar ibn Abdul Aziz: The Rightly Guided Caliph


Islam, meaning surrender to the will of God, is an eternal idea. Muslims assert that it is the pristine faith of mankind, subscribed to by the first created humans, Adam and Eve and confirmed by the Messengers of God, including among others, Noah, Abraham, Moses, Jesus and Muhammad (peace be upon them). Islam throws a challenge to the community of believers to create a society “enjoining what is right, forbidding what is wrong and believing in God”. Islamic history is a perpetual struggle to meet this challenge in the matrix of human affairs. This struggle is continuous and relentless. Muslims through the centuries have struggled to rediscover the fountain from which the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) drank. The corruption that surfaces with time is challenged time and again and a corporal attempt is made at a renewal of faith. Hence, revivalist movements in Islam provide benchmarks from which subsequent historical events can be measured and understood. 

Before Omar’s Rule Omar ibn Abdul Aziz, also known in history as Omar II, was the first revivalist Caliph in Islamic history. After Muawiyah, the character of the Caliphate changed and dynastic rule was established. The corruption of the Omayyads reached its crescendo with Karbala. The Omayyads built lavish palaces, surrounded themselves with servants and maids, accumulated enormous estates, treated the public treasury as their privy purse and lived like princes and kings. There was no accountability for their wealth or for their actions. The populace had no say in the affairs of the state. The Caliph was not nominated nor could he be questioned. The people were there merely to obey the strongman, pay taxes and serve in the armed forces. Omar ibn Abdul Aziz became the Emir (Caliph) by a coincidence of history. When the Omayyad prince Suleiman (714-717) lay on his deathbed, he was advised that he could earn the pleasure of God by following the example of the early Caliphs and nominating someone besides one of his own sons as the next Emir. He therefore dictated in his will that Omar ibn Abdul Aziz, a distant cousin, was to succeed him and Omar ibn Abdul Aziz was to be followed by Yazid ibn Abdul Malik. Omar ibn Abdul Aziz was a man of polish and experience, having served as the governor of Egypt and Madinah for more than twenty-two years. He had been educated and trained by a well-known scholar of the age, Saleh ibn Kaisan. Before his accession to the Caliphate, Omar ibn Abdul Aziz was a dashing young man, fond of fashion and fragrance. But when he accepted the responsibilities of Caliphate, he proved to be the most pious, able, far-sighted and responsible of all the Omayyad Emirs. 

A Pious Reformer, indeed, Omar ibn Abdul Aziz set out to reform the entire political, social and cultural edifice of the community and to bring back the transcendental values that had governed the Islamic state in its infancy. He started by setting a good example in his own person. When news reached him of his nomination to the Caliphate, he addressed the people saying: “O people! The responsibilities of the Caliphate have been thrust upon me without my desire or your consent. If you choose to select someone else as the Caliph, I will immediately step aside and will support your decision”. Such talk was a breath of fresh air to the public. They unanimously elected him. Omar ibn Abdul Aziz discarded his lavish life style and adopted an extremely ascetic life after the example of Abu Dhar Al-Ghifari, a well-known companion of the Prophet. Abu Dhar is known in history as one of the earliest mystics and Sufis in Islam who retired from public life in Madinah during the period of the Caliph Othman and lived in a hermitage some distance away from the capital. Omar ibn Abdul Aziz discarded all the pompous appendages of a princely life–servants, slaves, maids, horses, palaces, golden robes and landed estates–and returned them to the public treasury. His family and relatives were given the same orders. The garden Fadak provides a good example. This was a grove of palms owned by the Prophet Muhammad. The Prophet’s daughter Fatimah had asked for this garden as an inheritance but the Prophet had declined saying that what a Prophet owned belonged to the whole community. Fatimah had pressed her claim before her father, but Abu Bakr had denied the request saying that he could not agree to something that the Prophet had not agreed to. After the Caliphate of Ali, Fadak had been made a personal estate of the Omayyads. Omar restored Fadak to the public treasury, as a trust for the whole community. The Omayyads had no accountability to the treasury. To support their lavish life styles, they collected enormous taxes from Persia and Egypt. They compelled traders to sell them their merchandise at discount prices. The Emir’s appointees received gifts of gold and silver in return for favors. Omar reversed the process. Omar abolished such practices, punished corrupt officials and established strict accountability. Some Omayyad officials, drunk with power, mistreated the conquered peoples. Oftentimes, their property was confiscated without due process of law. Contrary to the injunctions of the Shariah, even though people in the new territories accepted Islam, they continued to be subject to Jizyah (tax to be paid by non-Muslim citizens). Those who refused to pay the taxes were subject to harsh punishment. Umar abolished these practices and ensured fairness in the collection of taxes. Gone was the oppression of Al Hajjaj in Iraq and Qurrah ibn Shareek in Egypt. The populace responded with enthusiastic support of the new Caliph. Production increased. Ibn Kathir, the Muslim scholar, records that thanks to the reforms undertaken by Umar, the annual revenue from Persia alone increased from 28 million dirhams to 124 million dirhams. 

Following the example of the Prophet Muhammad, Omar ibn Abdul Aziz sent out emissaries to China and Tibet, inviting their rulers to accept Islam. It was during the time of Umar ibn Abdul Aziz that Islam took roots and was accepted by a large segment of the population of Persia and Egypt. When the officials complained that because of conversions, the jizyah revenues of the state had experienced a steep decline, Omar wrote back saying that he had accepted the Caliphate to invite people to Islam and not to become a tax collector. The infusion of non-Arabs in large number into the fold of Islam shifted the center of gravity of the empire from Madinah and Damascus to Persia and Egypt. Knowledge Applied in Daily Life Omar ibn Abdul Aziz was a scholar of the first rank and surrounded himself with great scholars like Muhammad ibn Ka’b and Maimun ibn Mehran. He offered stipends to teachers and encouraged education. Through his personal example, he inculcated piety, steadfastness, business ethics and moral rectitude in the general population. His reforms included strict abolition of drinking, forbidding public nudity, elimination of mixed bathrooms for men and women and fair dispensation of Zakah (alms). He undertook extensive public works in Persia, Khorasan and North Africa, including the construction of canals, roads, rest houses for travelers and medical dispensaries. Omar ibn Abdel Aziz was the first Caliph to commission a translation of the Quran from Arabic into another language. Upon the request of the Raja (king) of Sind (in modern day Pakistan), Umar ibn Abdel Aziz had the Quran translated into the ancient Sindhi language and had it sent to the Raja (718 CE). 

To put this event into historical context, this was within ten years of the conquest of Sind and Multan by Muhammad ibn Qasim and the conquest of Spain by Tariq ibn Ziyad and Musa ibn Nussair. Omar ibn Abdul Aziz was also the first Emir to attempt a serious reconciliation of political and religious differences among Muslims. Since the time of Muawiyah, it had become customary for khatibs to insult the name of Ali ibn Abu Talib in Friday sermons. Omar ibn Abdul Aziz abolished this obnoxious practice and decreed that the following passage from the Quran be read instead: {God commands you to practice justice, enjoins you to help and assist your kin and He forbids obscenity, evil or oppression, so that you may remember Him} (16:90) It is this passage that is still recited in Friday sermons the world over. He treated Bani Hashim and the Shi’a with fairness and dignity. He even extended his hand to the Kharijites. According to Ibn Kathir, he wrote to the Kharijite leader Bostam, inviting him to an open discussion about the Caliphate of Othman and Ali. He went so far as to stipulate that should Bostam convince him, Omar would willingly repent and change his ways. Bostam sent two of his emissaries to the Caliph. During the discussions, one of the emissaries accepted that Umar was right and gave up Kharijite extremism. The other went back unconvinced. Even so, the Caliph did not persecute the man. Omar ibn Abdul Aziz was the first Muslim ruler who moved his horizons from external conquests to internal revival. He recalled his armies from the borders of France, India and the outskirts of Constantinople. 

There were few internal uprisings and disturbances during his Caliphate. Islam had momentarily turned its horizons on its own soul, to reflect upon its historical condition and replenish its moral reservoir. Faith flourished, as it had during the period of Omar ibn al Khattab. It is for these reasons that historians refer to Omar ibn Abdul Aziz as “Umar II” and classify him as the fifth of the rightly guided Caliphs, after Abu Bakr, Omar, Othman and Ali. But greed does not surrender its turf to faith without a battle. The reforms of Omar “II” were too much for the disgruntled Omayyads and the rich merchants. Omar ibn Abdul Aziz was poisoned and he died in the year 719, after a rule that lasted only two and a half years. He was thirty-nine years old at the time of his death. And with him died the last chance for Omayyad rule.

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Thursday 29 September 2022

Islam’s Stance on Celebrating Birthdays


Islam teaches Muslim to have a unique character and to be distinguished. A Muslim is weaned on morality and avoiding blind imitation. Islam supports the celebration of a birthday if it is an expression of gratitude to Allah for His bounties, sustenance and blessings in man’s life, as long as that celebration does not include anything that may displease Allah, the Almighty. Focusing on the issue of celebrating birthdays, we would like to start by citing the following: “In Islam, birthdays are not considered `eid (a festival) like `Eidul-Fitr or `Eidul-Adha, because `eids have conditions and guidelines such as not being allowed to fast during the days of Eid. Therefore, birthdays are simply occasions of a person’s date of birth and are a matter of culture. If a person wants to commemorate his/her date of birth, then he/she may do so, especially if he/she takes the opportunity to reflect on the past and pledge to be better during the following year. However, to make the birthday an important occasion is not recommended or encouraged.” (Excerpted, with slight modifications, from: 

 Shedding more light on the issue, the prominent Muslim scholar Sheikh Tajuddin Hamid Al-Hilali, Mufti of Australia and New Zealand, states: “A Muslim has a distinguished personality. He should not imitate others in evil things and leave the good ones. Talking to our children about their birthdays, we should remind them that on such days they should remember the blessings of Allah and praise Him for giving them life and guidance. It would be better if we ask them to offer something in charity as a form of showing gratitude. Still there is nothing wrong if we try to make them feel happy on that day as long as we are using lawful things. It is better if we make it a day ahead or a day after. You said that your children insist on having such a celebration, and this is really dangerous. If the child insists on having his desires fulfilled at this early age, what is going to happen when he grows older? We need to be alarmed and never allow Western traditions that are based on individualism, to ruin our families. Thus, calling birthdays `eids is not accepted, for this has no basis in Islam.

  At the same time, there is nothing wrong if we use these occasions to inculcate Islamic principles in our children, like showing gratitude to Allah, praising Him and seizing the chance of this life in performing good deeds since the older we grow the nearer to the grave we come.” Speaking about the same issue Sheikh Faysal Mawlawi, Deputy Chairman of the European Council for Fatwa and Research, adds: “Permissibility is the original ruling in this case, as there is no evidence of prohibition. The principle of not following the Jews and Christians is really required in matters of their false claims and beliefs in relation to religion. Such beliefs are no more than disbelief from an Islamic perspective. Islam supports the celebration of birthdays if it is an expression of gratitude to Allah for His bounties, sustenance and blessings in man’s life, as long as that celebration does not include anything that may displease Allah, the Almighty. In this context the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) was asked about fasting on Mondays, and he answered: “It is the day on which I was born.” Muslim scholars take this hadith and the hadith of fasting on the Day of `Ashura’ (10th of Mharram) as evidence on the permissibility of celebrating good occasions, which have special significance in our religion such as occasions like the birthday of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him). In this context, people must be aware that celebrating such occasions, e.g. the Prophet’s birthday, is no more than a matter of habit, and by no means a religious requirement.

 However, if it entails any forbidden practices, such a celebration becomes forbidden for that reason alone. Moreover, a celebration of this sort becomes recommended if it includes recommended acts of worship. It is also right to say that such celebrations contain some aspects of innovation, however it is an innovation in matters of popular habits not in matters of religion. Actually innovation in habits is not prohibited. What is prohibited in this context is innovation in religion, as indicated in a well-known Prophetic hadith. By analogy, there is nothing wrong in celebrating birthdays, as long as the celebration does not include any forbidden practices.”

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Tuesday 27 September 2022

My Child Has Wandered off the Straight Path


I’ll admit it. I used to be complacent. A decade ago, my children were young and happily attending Islamic school. They were memorizing Qur’an, socializing with other Muslim kids, and willingly joining us for salat in our home and activities in the masjid. In those days when I would hear about a Muslim teen in our community who had started dressing immodestly. . . or one who had been caught with a boyfriend or girlfriend behind the school. . . or one who consistently skipped prayers . . . I thought, alhamdullilah my kids are not like that.

If I’m being completely honest, deep down inside I also sometimes thought, What did their parents do wrong to get such a misguided child? This assumption, of course, implied that I was doing something right. That my children’s current acquiescence to the rules of their faith was my doing. That my husband and I could take all the credit for their innocence and love of Islam.

So often in life we find that the very thing we judge others for – the thing we smugly think could never happen to us – will come back to bite us. And in my case, sadly, it did.

My daughter wore hijab until she was seventeen. Then one day she removed it, not with hesitance or regret, but with grim determination. In retrospect, I guess I should have seen it coming. She had been dropping hints for a long time. She had cried about the tactless and hurtful comments about her Islamic dress that she’d heard from non-Muslim peers and complete strangers. She had complained numerous times about the inconvenience of wearing modest swimwear at the beach because all the material weighed her down, and she felt she looked like a “freak” amongst her bikini-clad contemporaries. She had argued countless times that Muslim men had it easy: they could blend in with Western society and wear almost anything they wanted. They usually did not face the same harassment that Muslim women did. No matter how many times I tried to explain the reasoning behind Islamic rulings, remind her of Allah’s wisdom and love, and encourage her devotion to her faith, my words increasingly fell on deaf ears.

Still, the fact remains that I was surprised and heartbroken when my daughter decided to remove her hijab. Even more concerning, her faith started slipping away bit by bit – missed prayer by missed prayer – over the subsequent months. I tried many times to change her mind, but ultimately, I felt powerless to stop the downward spiral. At this point, my intelligent, strong-willed daughter was listening only to her peers, social media influencers, and even the books she read in school. All of these made her feel like her faith was a prison that she needed to escape.

I was a teen once. I remember the allure of the “freedom,” “independence” and “glamor” that the world promises to individuals who follow their whims and desires. I realize that as an adult, it is far easier to embrace modesty, humility, and submission to God; but for many adolescents in the modern world, adhering to Islam can indeed feel like grasping a burning coal, as our Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) predicted.

Eventually, due to my daughter’s deviation from the Straight Path, I realized that my children’s guidance was not in my hands. Yes, I have a responsibility to do my best to be a good Islamic role model and teacher, but my efforts are not necessarily enough to secure my children’s hearts to Allah. Only He SWT can guide, and He is the Turner of Hearts. “Verily, you [O Muhammad] guide not whom you like, but Allah guides whom He wills. And He knows best those who are the guided” (Quran 28:56).

I grieved privately for months. Finally, I hesitantly opened up to some close Muslim friends about my experience. I was immensely relieved when they confessed similar stories: many of them also had teens who were struggling to practice, or barely practicing, or not practicing at all. Of course, I was not happy to hear this news, but I admit it gave me some solace to know I wasn’t alone. Those parents,my friends and contemporaries, were excellent Muslims. They prayed and worshiped as a family, led a wholesome life, set a good example, and invested in Islamic schools, homeschooling, and Qur’an lessons. And yet, many of their teenagers had still drifted from their deen. It was a tragedy, yes, but clearly, it wasn’t entirely the fault of us parents.

Talking with other moms, I also realized that the Muslim community’s reaction to misguided youth is, generally, very unhelpful. The teens feel so judged and unaccepted that they stop attending Islamic events and start avoiding practicing Muslims altogether. One friend’s daughter noticed that when she stopped wearing hijab, some of the “aunties” who had known and loved her for years were suddenly cold and distant. In part, I can’t blame them. They were probably saddened to see a young woman abandon an important act of worship. Perhaps they were even worried that she would influence their daughters and encourage them to stop dressing modestly. I don’t entirely fault them, but I do know the community’s rejection hurts teens deeply and pushes them even farther away from the deen.

Whether you can relate to my situation or not, if you are a Muslim parent, I have some words of advice. These are words from a distraught mother whose own child has wandered off the Straight Path and whose constant prayer is for her child’s repentance.

Don’t get complacent. If your young children are enthusiastically practicing their faith, that is wonderful. But do not mistake that for a guarantee of future adherence. No matter how much they seem to love Islam now, still make dua for your children’s guidance on a daily basis. Their faith will likely be tested in the teen years, and peer pressure is perhaps worse than ever because of social media.
Never be arrogant if your children are “good Muslims.” If they love Islam, and if they continue on the Straight Path, it is a blessing from Allah, not a bragging right.
Don’t condemn people silently or, even worse, backbite them verbally. We know that speaking badly about someone is like “eating the flesh of your brother,” according to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him).
Keep in mind: we never know who might stray from the Straight Path. It could be me, or you, or any of our children. We all must work continuously to maintain and strengthen our faith. Even the Prophet (s) who was the most perfect human and the most beloved by Allah SWT, continually made the dua: “O Turner of Hearts, keep my heart firm on your deen.” If the Prophet (s) supplicated Allah SWT to help him keep his faith strong, who are we to be complacent about our iman?!
Supplicate for any wayward child. The best thing you can do for a youngster who has stopped practicing is to make sincere dua for them. Do it with compassion, sincerity, and humility. Know that each prayer we make for another person is answered by an angel saying, “And the same to you.” By making heartfelt dua for another child, then, we are also protecting our own, insha’Allah.
Continue to treat them like your brother or sister in faith. Even though they might not look or act like a “proper” Muslim right now, they still have a seed of iman in them, insha’Allah. We do not know what lies in another person’s heart. Errant Muslims still deserve our kindness. Indeed, perhaps because of their precarious situation, they need even more of it.

Be supportive of that child’s parents. Do not treat them differently, nor presume that their child’s behavior is their fault. Remember that some of the strongest Muslims of all time had family members who did not embrace Islam. Prophet Nuh had one son who remained a disbeliever, refused to board the ark, and eventually drowned. Even Prophet Mohammad (s), whose beautiful example inspired countless individuals to accept Islam, could not convince his uncle Abu Talib to acknowledge the truth.
Guidance is in the hands of Allah SWT, and a person’s current behavior does not necessarily reflect the quality of their upbringing. Remember that many forces are working against Muslim parents’ best intentions. Keep in mind that teen rebellion is a common – if not justified –phenomenon.
Do not assume this is the end of their story! Insha’Allah their period of disobedience, rebellion, and confusion will end, by the grace of Allah. Insha’Allah their parents’ fervent du’as will be answered, and these children will repent and turn back to the Straight Path. Perhaps today’s misguided teen will become tomorrow’s pious adult who knows exactly how to reach confused Muslim youth because she has been in their shoes. There is always hope, insha’Allah, and a believer is always optimistic about Allah’s mercy and guidance.

May Allah SWT guide our children, forgive our shortcomings, and protect our ummah from anything that turns us away from His love and forgiveness. Ameen. 


Tuesday 20 September 2022

Stop the pointless judgement....


I am sick of seeing Muslimah hijabies cake make up on!
Well how about.....
Ya Allah bless my Muslim sisters with confidence and help them overcome their insecurities and let them truly see and believe how beautiful they are the way you created them.
Well how about.....
Ya Allah help me concentrate on my own shortcomings instead of lashing out at others and their life choices.
Well how about....
Ya Allah make me a Muslimah who is empathetic and not judgmental.
Well how about...
Ya Allah help me understand that Muslim women are under peer pressure and the pressure from society to look a certain way to show they are strong, confident and empowered. That Muslimahs face a lot of pressure to fit in.
I just gave you 4 different ways to think and our deen asks us to give 70 of these excuses. Before you judge someone please step back, pause and remember to give excuses.
❝If a friend among your friends errs, make seventy excuses for them. If your hearts are unable to do this, then know that the shortcoming is in your own selves.❞
- Hamdun al-Qassar
📘 [Imam Bayhaqi, Shu`ab al-Iman, 7.522]

from Ideal Muslimah

Tuesday 13 September 2022

Visiting the Sick: A Sign of Mercy


Islam invites to all that is good and warns from all that is bad. From those good and virtuous deeds is the visiting of the ill and afflicted. When people visit each other while they are in good health, bonds of brotherhood and friendship are strengthened. But when they visit each other in times of sickness and poor or failing health, their brotherhood grows even more.

Illustrating the empathy that Muslims are required to feel for each other, Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) is reported to have said, “The parable of the believers in their mutual love and mercy is like that of a living body: If one part of it feels pain, the whole body suffers in sleeplessness and fever.” (Muslim)

Visiting the sick is one of the clearest signs of such mutual love, mercy and empathy. Indeed, it is also a duty that Muslims are required to fulfill, in adherence to the following hadith in which the Prophet reportedly said, “The rights of a Muslim over another Muslim are six… When you meet him, you greet him with the salaam (i.e. to say: as-salamu alaykum); when he invites you, you accept his invitation; when he consults you in a matter, you give him sincere advice; when he sneezes and praises Allah, you ask Allah to have mercy on him; when he is sick, you visit him; and when he passes away, you follow his funeral.”(Bukhari)

From the above hadith, we can conclude that Muslims are encouraged to have concern for one another during three phases of worldly existence: health, sickness and death.

Whilst in good health, the Muslim is obliged to greet his brother in faith with the invocation of peace and mercy, to accept his invitation and to give him sincere advice.

Then, when a Muslim is suffering from a cold, an allergy or whatever else that is causing him to sneeze, his brother in Islam is instructed to ask Almighty Allah to have mercy on him. Likewise, when a Muslim is sick and bedridden, his Muslim brothers should go and visit him.

Finally, when a Muslim passes away, Muslims are required to attend his funeral procession and Prayer, and ultimately his burial.

The great reward awaiting those who visit the sick was spelt out by Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him), who reportedly said, “A Muslim visiting his sick brother will continue to be in the harvest of Paradise until he returns home.” (Muslim)

And he is also reported to have said, “A Muslim walking to visit a sick person will be wading in the mercy of Allah. When the visitor sits with the sick one, they will be immersed in mercy until his return.”(Ahmed and Ibn Hibban)

Demonstrating the greatness of the reward of visiting the sick, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) reportedly said, “On the Day of Resurrection, Almighty Allah will say, ‘O son of Adam! I became sick and you did not visit me!’ The person will say, ‘O Lord, how can I visit you and you are the Lord of all that exists!’ Allah will say, ‘Did you not know that my slave ‘so and so’ was sick, and you did not visit him? Did you not know that if you visited him, you would have found me with him?’” (Muslim)
A Role Model

In the Qur’an, Almighty Allah says:

(Indeed in the Messenger of Allah you have an excellent example to follow for whoever hopes for [the meeting of] Allah and the Last Day and remembers Allah much.) (Al-Ahzab 33:21)

Sent as a role model for all virtuous deeds and noble duties, Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) led people by example. He would both make time to personally visit the sick and would also enquire after them through others.

Whilst in Makkah, for example, a pagan woman used to throw filth and garbage at the noble Prophet whenever he passed by her house. One day, the noticeable absence of the Prophet’s abuser concerned him so much that he enquired after her. When he learnt of her sickness, he visited her. She was so taken aback by his merciful concern that she embraced Islam. This sublime attitude is encouraged in a Qur’anic verse that reads:

(Repel the evil deed with one which is better, then lo! he, between whom and thee there was enmity (will become) as though he was a bosom friend.) (Fussilat 41:34)

The learned Companion Anas ibn Malik (may Allah be pleased with him) related the following episode from the life of Allah’s Final Prophet to humanity:

A Jewish boy who would serve the Prophet fell sick. The Prophet said to some of his Companions, “Let us go and visit him.” They went to visit him and found his father sitting by his head. The Messenger of Allah said to the boy, “Proclaim that there is no god but Allah, and I will intercede on your behalf on account of it on the Day of Resurrection.” The boy looked at his father, who said, “Obey Abul-Qasim (Muhammad)!” In response, the boy uttered it, saying, “There is no god but Allah, and Muhammad is His Messenger.” Upon that, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “All praise is due to Allah Who saved him from the Fire of Hell.” (Ibn Hibban)

It is clear from these two examples from the Prophet’s life that the virtue of visiting the sick is not restricted to Muslims, but it includes non-Muslims as well. Such a visit to a non-Muslim patient can be such a touching and moving experience that it might even cure the most fateful of diseases: disbelief. 


Wednesday 7 September 2022

"I don't need a man" culture


Most unmarried Muslim women aren't adopting "I don't need a man" culture, what we have learned and adopted is "I don't need a boy that needs to be raised" culture.
We are looking for men that can lead. Qawwam.
Many Muslim women are looking for strong men who can lead them, who can financially provide for them and their children and who truly fear and love Allah.
Few sisters have even shared that they will happily give up their day jobs if they find a man who can truly lead, protect and provide for them - financial security and emotional stability. Men who can communicate, who won't call it quits when going gets tough, men who believe in marital counselling, men who do justice, men who are teachable, men who move with rehma instead of being mini dictators and abusers at home. 

This idea that women are giving up marriage to earn money is false.
They haven't found a brother who is emotionally and financially intelligent to lead. Who isn't obsessed with feminist shaming, obsessed with gender issues, who isn't fragile to differences of opinions and at the very basic offers 5 daily Salaah.
Muslim women are just looking out for themselves in the meanwhile and pursuing their goals and independence. They have realised single life on deen is better than getting married to brothers who aren't what they are looking for.

Getting married is very easy, getting married to the right person who will understand you, who will bring you closer to Allah and who will be with you atleast 80% of the time is a challenge.
Getting married to the right person who won't abuse you, harm you emotionally and spiritually and drive you away from your deen and Allah Himself is very difficult.
Very few men/women out there, who are serious about their obligations and their fear of Allah with regards to their spouse. Others are just using each other for halal sex but their love, compassion and sincere good intentions for each other are dead.
Ofcourse before we talk about finding the right spouse it is also important to remember to learn and become the right spouse for someone else.

Expecting women to lower standards needs to stop. Please. 🙂
Don't expect obedience and respect when you cannot lead and protect.
🤲 May Allah renew love, taqwa, compassion and care in the hearts of married Muslim men and women for His sake and remove selfishness and self serving attitude from their hearts Ameen ya rabbi.

From Ideal Muslimah