To discuss whats happening in the Muslim world and what can we do about it.
Thursday, 26 October 2017
Stop Calling Women Selfish For Choosing Birth Control
EVERYBODY WANTS TO BE A GOOGLE GYNECOLOGIST INSTEAD OF FOCUSING ON THEMSELVES.
It really kills me how Muslims can be so judgmental. And I’m not saying that ‘other’ people aren’t. Trust me, they are, but because I’m very much so Muslim, we’re going to speak about that demographic right now.
Do you know how I know that the “haram police” is so judgy? I used to be on its payroll. I was the girl who still maintained her virginity past the age of 13, never took off my hijab, never dated…smoked weed. Ha! Heck no. Weed was wack. And, if you smoked it you clearly were destined to dwell within the fiery pits of hell.
We grew up in a family where my mother only fed us halal meats, read the Holy Book to us when we woke up and right before we went to sleep (yup, the devil had to be creeping somewhere in the closet), and disbarred watching anything over a PG-13 rating–even that was pushing it. We had to close our eyes if there were kissing scenes, and she’d fast forward any music with curse words in it. A man dressed in women’s clothing on TV? She’d turn it off completely. Magazines with Britney Spears in short-shorts were a no-no. She bought us magazines like National Geographic instead, stating they were more “educational.”
DO YOU KNOW HOW I KNOW THAT THE “HARAM POLICE” IS SO JUDGY? I USED TO BE ON ITS PAYROLL.
When I turned 19, I moved out. Her world had become overbearing and controlling.
Society had quickly let me know that the world was not as it was back at home and that judgmental shit had to be tossed immediately if I were to make it.
Although I was out of Mom’s house, I still hung around a lot of Muslims and their parents. Their parents were judgmental in the wrong kinds of ways. Most of the parents were hypercritical when it came to other people’s kids, specifically their daughters. If they had a son, they could basically be spotted in a strip club making it rain on someone’s ass and it’d be given 99 excuses plus one. But, let it be a daughter and she’s damned to hell forever.
Of course, this mindset trickled down to the Muslim children. They ranged from middle-grade judgy to Muslim-parent judgy.
Shortly after moving out on my own, I went to the doctor and requested birth control. I knew for a fact that I didn’t want to have a trillion kids like a lot of the Muslim women had in the community. Most of those women hadn’t held a job, were overly-dependent on their cheating ass husbands to pay the bills, hadn’t had anything past a high-school diploma (if that). They weren’t traveling to faraway lands or experiencing the wonders of life. Many of them became career mothers, usually pregnant every other year.
MOST OF THE PARENTS WERE HYPERCRITICAL WHEN IT CAME TO OTHER PEOPLE’S KIDS, SPECIFICALLY THEIR DAUGHTERS.
Cheers to people who loooooooove having buckets of kids…but that just wasn’t me.
My friends and I were chatting on the couch and pregnancy came up. Someone had gotten pregnant. Again.
“I’m 99.9 percent sure that I’m covered,” I joked.
“What do you mean?” Someone asked.
“Well, I’m on birth control now.”
By the facial expressions, you’d think I just tossed a cat out the window.
I got everything from “That’s not permissible in Islam” and ‘That’s unnatural” to “You won’t ever be able to have a child” and “That’s what women are made for.”
I sat there and took the verbal abuse because that’s exactly what it was. Why was I selfish because I wanted to take control of my body? I mean, God gave me MY body. It wasn’t theirs or my then-husband’s to control. So why were they so adamant on policing my reproductive system in the name of Islam?
WHY WAS I SELFISH BECAUSE I WANTED TO TAKE CONTROL OF MY BODY?
Years passed and I was still unwaveringly on birth control. I’d get asked, “Why don’t you have any kids yet?”
My usual responses: because I don’t want to be a mom or I have no money or I’m pursuing an education.